


I Think I Missed You

by Dzsudzsiska



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Diary/Journal, Father Figures, Jenson is the same when he's desperate, M/M, cheaky Seb is cheaky, disappointed Mark is sometimes a grumpy cat, jealous Fernando, supporter John
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-06 02:45:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 34,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1101456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dzsudzsiska/pseuds/Dzsudzsiska
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There are no friends in Formula 1" some says. Though Jenson has his friends in the sport and he doesn't need another one, thank you very much. Mark and Fernando are the people he used to know since he started his F1 career and they already have their little habits. Like they like to drink a cup of coffee - Jenson a cup of tea of course - together, sometimes partying with each other after the races, or tweeting things to the other or about the other. And they have another habit, a new one; something which makes the British feels guilty sometimes.<br/>They like to telling off that little German cheater.<br/>However life is always unpredictable and sometimes we have to learn about ourselves too. Sometimes we have to get to know there are things which we used to know long before all the other things under our noses. The question is what will Jenson do after he finds this thing out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> So this is my first ever multi chapter fanfiction I share, and this is my first work I share on my AO3. I’d like to build the storyline slowly, and as you can see I marked the fic as a ‘Teen and Up Audiences’ story but I’m planning to write NC-17 later, just so you know. It’s still an ongoing fic but I started writing it a few months ago and I’ve already finished a few chapters so I will update it maybe on every week. I don’t want to share all the finished chapters at once so I could continue writing while you reading the others.
> 
> I’d like to apologize for all the grammatical mistakes and typos since I’m still not a fluent English speaker.
> 
> Also this is only a work of fiction. Never happened, never will.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

“So they asked you if you’d like to take my place in next year?”

 “Yep”.

The thought of Mark’s retirement was still sad. They’ve known each other for a long time and they were real friends now. However he could understand the Aussie man. There was no target for him in the sport anymore, he reached his limits. It was such a long road what they did together so now there was no secret in front of the other. Jenson could tell the man was already tired. He could keep telling the German guy was better than him only for his car or because the team was at his side, but they all knew it was not true. Well not exactly. But it was a good argument which they could hold on to.

The British man held his cup a bit stronger just for a moment before lifted it up to his lips. The hot tea refreshed him in the heat wave as they were sitting in the little coffee bar in their break time. He, Mark and Fernando often spent their free time together and most of the time whatever they were talking about at the end they always got at Seb. Like now. Especially since the German boy was sitting in front of them with his famous friend, Kimi. Jense couldn’t tell what the two men were talking about, he only saw some photos in their hands which must have belonged to Seb, at least Jense read that through from the young driver’s gesticulations.

 “And?”

 “Hm?”

Jenson was a bit confused as he was deeply buried in his thoughts just a moment before.

 “Never mind. You don’t have to tell me.”

 “What? I said no, of course! Why would I want your place, mate?”

 “Don’t know... Still a good team” shrugged the older man and turned his head back to the laughing men at the other table.

 “What on Earth? You think I’m interested in your seat?” Jense lowered his voice down as he answered to the unspoken words. “Then you don’t have to be worried since I’m not that fool to being a part of a dirty game like that. Maybe my team is not the best in these days but still one of the fairest one.”

 “You’re telling me I’m a fool?”

 “Wha...? No, not, of course not! I mean not you, but your team. Why are you so emotional now?”

 “Emotional?”

 “Yes. Look, I understand your current state but I’m still your friend, I’m at your side, you remember?”

Mark didn’t answer, he was staring at Jense with a cold look on his face and nodded. Jenson was not angry with him at all, it was a hard time for the Red Bull driver. Of course he couldn’t really trust in anyone.

 “Hey, calm down now kids. It’s not the right time or right place for this. If you wanna fight so much then you should use all your strength against that guy there. Or the other one next to him” Fernando pointed in Seb’s way with his head while clapping on his friends’ shoulders. Jense already forgot about their other friend and from Mark’s look he could tell the Aussie man was thinking about the same thing. It was one of those rare times when Mark cared about him more than Fernando. He always had a feeling that Fernando was the absolutely best friend of Mark and it made him a bit jealous sometimes but he accepted it. It’s normal in friendships, isn’t it? Like with siblings.

 “I don’t care about that seat, Mark.”

 “It’s okay. It’s okay, if you do. Actually it’s none of my business at all. I’m sorry mate.”

 “Stop it already! Do we really want to argue about who the hell will be the next team mate of this arrogant monkey? Among us?”

 “Monkey?” The two men were in perfect harmony.

 “Whatever” Fernando was waving his hand as if he was waving a fly away. “He eats bananas all the time. But the important thing is we don’t care about Seb or that fucking seat. We are way better than that, aren’t we? At least I don’t wanna be a puppet of that team what they would use for this kid’s wins. I could win without them whether they have the best cars or not.

Jenson and Mark nodded coincidently. The all three of them agreed with each other that the car and the luck had a big part in the German man’s victories, there was no doubt about it. He could be talented but talent was sometimes not enough.

In the other hand Jense also realized it himself that their conversations were a bit too much, a bit too bitter lately and sometimes he really hated himself for that. Other times he was satisfied; it helped him getting through the bad season.

 “Whatever happens, I’m grateful to you two. It was a hard decision, I mean I decided it a while ago, maybe even years ago... So it’s not a big deal, really. But I will miss you.”

 “Shut up, Mark, you really are too emotional now” Fernando slapped on the man’s cap with a grin. “You like us, we like you, we even like ourselves, don’t we Jense? Mark? So it’s enough for today, take it easy. Think it’s better leave now before we change to something not too straight.”

 “Fuck off, Nando.”

And Nando didn’t say anything to Mark just winked at him while he stood up from the table and after he left some money on it he also left his friends behind.

 “Good luck then, Mark. See you later” Jenson shook hands with his friend.

 “Yeah, have a good race, mate.”

 

Mark was already at Fernando’s side as the Spanish man was going to close the door behind when Jense reached Sebastian’s table. He and Kimi were still laughing at something what the German guy was talking about. It seemed like Kimi was also enjoying his time which really surprised Jense. Actually it surprised him all the time.

The British couldn’t stop himself, he was too curious and without any permission he leaned over the young driver’s shoulder and glanced at the photo in Seb’s hand. It was a pic of a little boy, he must has been about five or six years old, while the other boy behind him – an older one, maybe twelve or thirteen years old – was hugging his shoulders. The big smile on their face was familiar to him but before he could think about it he just noticed the deep silence around him. When he looked up from the picture he could see a very confused Seb and an absolutely disinterested Kimi.

“Hey Jenson!” welcomed him the German guy. Kimi didn’t say a word just knitted his brows waiting.

 “Hey men! What are you doing?”

 “Watching some old pictures. I just remembered this memory last time and talked about it to Kimi. Now I thought I’d bring some photos with me.”

Jenson followed the young man’s hand with his eyes as he was pointing at the picture in it. There was no doubt; it was really familiar to the British driver. Too familiar.

 “Where did you get it?”

 “What?” The German seemed confused again.

 “I mean the photo. Where ha...”

 “Oh, yeah. It was about twenty years ago in France, it has taken in a camp or something like that. There was an event with a go-kart circuit for children, all of them drivers from all over the continent, older and younger ones together. It’s still a nice memory.

 “And who is that guy behind you?”

 “Him?” Seb asked as he was pointed at the kid. “He’s a friend. I can’t remember his name. Actually we haven’t even met since then. He was older than me, I think he was twelve in that time and he helped me a lot. I didn’t have so much known, didn’t even speak any other language so... I was a bit alone. Actually as I remember of this now it seems a bit weird. I mean to be with someone who you can’t even understand whilst you still understand each other.”

Sebastian was laughing lightly at the memories as he was looking at the photo. Then he just sat there in solemn silence buried in his thoughts. Jenson was happy for that moment. He didn’t know how on earth he could hide his feelings from the German guy if he looked at him. The recognition was shocking; all the old memories seemed to be forgotten yet they were deep in his heart all the time waiting for the sign to show themselves up again. And now it was like if the world was upside down and he had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to look at the boy in the same way anymore. Not with all the nice memories. How should he hate him again when his two real friends are around or when he loses another victory against the guy?

Finally he noticed the weight of someone’s look on himself. When he glanced at Sebastian the man was watching him, the blue, wide eyes of him were filled with dismay, his face was a bit flushed from the clear recognition. Jenson could tell from the boy’s reactions that the young man realized it as well, and he was as much shocked as Jenson was.

_It was over now._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So who was the other boy standing behind Sebastian in the old photo? I think you already figured it out, but the question is what will the guys do now?
> 
> Well, this is just the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit longer chapter than the previous one. Enjoy!

  
The tension was almost tangible in the air; the silence around the two men was filled with stress and confusion as they were staring at each other stunned. They nearly heard as the other’s mind was on all the unspoken questions.

The drivers couldn't break the eye contact like a magnet was magnetizing them, and though Jenson’s mind was filled with thoughts and questions he didn’t dare to ask them. The other man seemed to be in the same situation; his lips were parted like he was on the point of saying something but couldn’t make himself.

Jenson wanted to look away, just finding a spot which could have relaxed him yet he didn’t move. He couldn’t bring himself to look at his side where the Finn was sitting. He was afraid of what would he see on the iceman’s face. This whole situation was already too embarrassing for them.

“He’s a bit familiar to me” the British finally pointed at the boy who was standing behind Sebastian in the picture.

“Yeah, me too.” The man’s voice was almost a whisper. It sounded like he couldn’t decide whether he was awake or still dreaming.

“You knew it!”

“What? No, I didn’t, really!” he made excuses after the outcry of Jenson. “I just... I had a feeling, you know? You were always familiar to me but I was never sure about it. How could I be?”

An awkward silence weighed on their shoulders for a second as they were staring at each other thoughtfully, and a moment later the third man finally broke it, like he couldn’t bear it anymore.

“Well, it was fun, but I have some things to do so... It’s better leave now” Kimi said standing up from their table, stretching a hand out to the German driver. “Bye Seb.”

At first Sebastian didn’t say a word, actually it was like he just noticed his friend. The boy completely forgot about him, Jenson could also tell.

“Oh, yeah, of course. Bye Kimi.”

They were shaking hands and after a little wave to the British, Kimi has already left.

 

Now they were completely alone, embarrassed and confused. To handle the weird moment Jenson tried to be relaxed and talking in an unaffected voice, but it was way harder than he thought just to find his voice and actually some intelligent words.

 “Can I...?” he asked and reached his hand out for the photo in Sebastian’s hand.

 “Yeah, sure.” It seemed like Sebastian was suffering from the same problem. He was a bit too eager as he let the man take the photo out of his hand.

The British pulled one of the chairs out and sat down beside the German boy like it was the most natural thing in the world. Well, it could have been, only they were enemies in these days or at least Jenson was a bit angry with the guy sometimes, even if he knew he didn’t even have the reasons for it. Not talking about the odd atmosphere between them.

Jenson held the old photo carefully while studying it. It was weird; he had so many memories about this guy which he could remember of pretty well and yet he couldn’t recognize him ‘till now even if they were working together, fighting against each other for years now.

Yes, Jenson really had nice memories of the little boy in the picture, he always thought about him as a good friend, someone who he really wanted to meet again. Then in the other hand this guy was also one of his biggest rivals, the reason for why he couldn’t be as good as he was before. Or at least he liked to think this but the truth was he knew it too that it wasn’t true at all.

 “It’s twenty years now. Actually more.”

 “Please, don’t. I feel myself old” the younger driver laughed and leaned closer to Jenson watching at the picture. “Now that I know it was you, I think it was your dad who took this photo.”

 “Really?” Jenson knitted his brows surprised. He tried to call the memories out and as he thought it again he could remember it as well. It was just before they left the camp. The Old Boy asked them to posing for a last picture. It was a bittersweet moment. They could have done a funny pose yet they just stood there, Jense behind the little Seb hugging him around his shoulders. There was a smile on their faces but Jenson could remember the exact moment the kid started weeping a bit. It was an adorable memory for the British. Jenson never forgot it how they were waving to each other as Sebastian was leaving the camp by their trailer.

 “I think you’re right, my dad took this photo. But how the hell did you get it?”

It was a good question. How on earth could the German own a picture which was taken by his dad in the last minutes just before they left?

 “Through post? I think your father sent it.”

 “Yes, he must have.”

 “Here’s another one!”

Sebastian passed another photo to him; Jenson took it without a word and couldn’t hide the slight smile which formed in the corner of his lips.

Seb and him were standing beside a kart. Actually the British was kneeing in front of one of the tyres while the German kid was staring at him with an admiring look on his face.

 “I can remember this one. You were such a mess when it was about the tyres” he laughed.

 “Shut up!”

The German might tried to being serious yet he couldn’t hold back his grin.

It was really surprising that as much weird as it was at the beginning it was so relaxing now just sitting side by side, watching old photos and reminiscing all the memories.

However nothing last forever. Jenson could ascertain it when his phone rang in his pocket. He was still holding the photo in one hand staring at it while taking the phone in the other one.

“Yeah?... I’m in the coffee bar now... Yeah, I stayed a bit longer... Okay, I’ll be there in a minute.” He sourly put the photo down as he hung up the phone. A slight sigh left his lips as he leaned back in his chair burying in his thoughts, still watching the photo which was lying on the table now. Then he turned to his side and his gaze met Sebastian’s. He couldn’t read anything through it, maybe a little curiosity for the call. “Duty calls” he said and with that he stood up stretching his hand out to the man like Kimi did just a few minutes before. “Bye Sebastian. Have a good race!”

Sebastian glanced back to the photo for a second as if he was thinking about something. A moment later he looked back at Jenson accepting the man’s hand.

 “You too” he grinned while they were handshaking. Jenson couldn’t hold back a smile either.

He must have admitted it; it was a good time what he spent with the German guy. And still the scariest thing was his wish to Sebastian about the race. He only said these things to Mark and Fernando, or maybe his teammates before.

Maybe he really ought to have feared of himself now. Or his past.  

 

*

 

_The go-kart circuit was loud by the hum of the karts’ motors as the little drivers were racing without stopping. Even if they were all kids they still had the spirit, all of them wanted to be a real racing driver and they were fighting for their dreams with all their strength._

_Jense also did. As he was standing beside his kart waiting for the next round when he could face up to his rivals too he nearly felt the excitement in the air. He left the tyres alone for a moment staring at the view in front of him. It was a beautiful place; huge trees, consistent shrubs all over around, and even a little lake near the accommodation. And still the most beautiful thing for him was the circuit itself._

_Jense took a deep breath closing his eyes, enjoying the heat of the bright sun, and for a moment, really just for one little moment he imagined himself in a way serious car at a lot bigger circuit. The crowed was raving, celebrating him while he was waving to them exultantly, and he almost heard the team screaming his name as well. What a wonderful moment!_

_When he opened his eyes up turning around to his bag, suddenly something bumped into him. He lifted his arms up automatically just to protecting himself, but then there was a little boy between them. The kid drew away from him and looked up at him. The big blue eyes of the kid were wide, he seemed to be surprised. Jenson could understand it, he didn’t even know himself where the hell the boy came from. It was so out of the blue._

_“Hey, watch yourself!” Jenson said in a reproving voice. The kid didn’t say a word; he was staring up at him confused, his lips were parted like he wanted to say something but didn’t dare. Then he knitted his brows so he seemed a bit miffed and after a few awkward second the boy completely parted himself from the older and he just ran away without a word._

_Jenson couldn’t move thanks for his dismay. The boy was undisputedly strange._

_When he finally pulled himself together and was going to lift his bag up he heard a thump and a soft cry behind him, so he turned back quickly just to find the little boy there lying on the ground, his hands and legs spread out. Jense didn’t hesitate, he ran to the kid without a think helping him up. He grabbed the kid’s hand and pulled him up carefully checking up on him, but he didn’t have to search for too long. There was a big, bleeding wound on the left knee of the boy. He looked in the eyes of the kid which were tearful now but the boy didn’t cry. He pressed his lips together and was a bit shaking but he tried to be strong and brave._

_“I told you to be careful” Jenson said quietly. He tried to calm the boy down who didn’t say a word just knitted his brows again like a few minutes before. The British guy knelt down in front of him and touched the other boy’s leg tenderly while studying the wound. “Let me see it” he said. The wound was big but not deep, there was no need any special treatment yet Jenson would have been calmer if he could have a band-aid with him. He looked around looking for some help and soon he found what he was searching for._

_“Dad! Hey, Old Boy, come here!”_

_A tall, middle aged man, who was standing only about ten meters away from them lifted his head up, and he was heading for them as soon as he noticed them._

_“What happened?” he asked as he also knelt down in front of the unknown little boy. The man checked up on him like his son did a minute before._

_“I guess he was running and fell down” Jenson answered._

_“And you let it happen?”_

_“What? I was back to him, I didn’t even see it. What the hell was I supposed to do?_

_Jense’ voice was desperate from the anger what he felt. He hated making his dad disappointed._

_“Jenson, you’re twelve years old now. You should take care of the younger ones, especially of such a little kid like him.”_

_“But I tried to! I told him to be careful but he didn’t listen. It’s not my fault.”_

_“Okay, let’s end it now” the man said and he turned back to the boy in front of him. “So what happened, boy? Are you all right? Where’s your parents?”_

_But the boy still didn’t say a word. He seemed to be scared now and glanced up at Jense as if he was waiting for some help from the other kid._

_“Well... I think he doesn’t understand us.”_

_“What?!” Jenson’s voice was more desperate now._

_“I think he doesn’t speak English” the man said and scraped his head thoughtfully._

_“Oh shit!”_

_“What did you just say?” the dad shouted at his son. It was clear he was really testy now. “I don’t wanna hear it again, you understand?”_

_“Dad, it’s not the right time to being angry about such a thing like this. There’s just no any better word for this whole situation. How the hell will we find his dad if he can’t even understand our language? Shit!”_

_“Jenson!”_

_But the older Button couldn’t continue his monologue; it seemed the problem would be solved soon as an other middle aged man was heading to them. The man was way shorter than Mr. Button and he was in a better condition._

_“Oh my God! What happened? Hello, I’m Norbert” the man said as he stretched his hand out to Jenson’s dad._

_“Nice to meet you, Norbert. I’m John and this is my son, Jenson. I guess he’s your son” the older Button stood up shaking hands with the other man, pointing at the little boy with his head who seemed much relaxed now. “According to Jense’ words he was running and fell down. Hope he’s okay.”_

_“Ah, yeah, he must be. I think he’s just a bit shocked and scared. He can’t speak English.”_

_“Yeah, we had a feeling” John laughed while clapping on the other man’s shoulder._

_Norbert smiled back before leaning down to his son and talking to him in their native language. The boy looked up at Jenson for a moment, then answered to his dad. Jenson couldn’t understand a word except the boy’s name was Sebastian, and he recognized the language they were using. It was German._

_Finally Norbert straightened and turned back to the two British. When he started talk to Jense there was a grateful smile on his face._

_“Thanks for taking care of my son” he said. Jenson’s lips parted for a moment before he looked up at his dad proud. John was as much stunned as his son was but didn’t say a word just shook his head. “It was a pleasure” the man added and stretched his hand out for the last time, this time shaking hands with Jenson as well._

_John still didn’t say a word, he just slapped on Jense’ head while they were standing there, watching the leaving pair. The boy hissed painfully, looking up at his father resentfully before turning back. That was the moment when Sebastian also turned back and their looks met. And Jenson couldn’t hold back his smile as the little boy turned to him time to time ‘till they disappeared in the corner of the accommodation._

*

 “Jenson. Jenson!”

 “Hm?”

The sound of a woman still sounded far away as he stretched on the seat of the taxi.

 “We arrived” Jessica informed him.

Jenson rubbed his eyes sleepy before looking out of the window. The huge building of the old family house towered above them, the lights were lightening the dark street through the windows. It was so relaxing. The place of his childhood. These were the moments when Jenson appreciated that well known line the most. _Home, sweet home._

When they finally paid for the trip and left the car Jenson had to stop for a moment as he remembered his dream. Well, it was not only a dream. It was a memory which he’s already forgotten. The first time he met Sebastian.

A slight smile formed in the corner of his lips for the memories, then as if nothing has happened he grabbed Jessica’s hand and started walking to the door.  
  
 _To the door of a forgotten past._  
  



	3. Chapter 3

The house was silent as Jenson was sitting alone in the living room right after the dinner with his close family, which meant his sisters, dad and girlfriend now. Jessica was helping his sisters in the kitchen while his father was doing something in the garage so Jenson took the opportunity and got one of the old photo albums out. The movement was somehow familiar to him as much as the book was but he didn’t know why.

The man sat back and opened it thumbing the pages slowly, studying the photos like he saw them the first time. The pictures were about twenty years old or more, some about family events, birthday parties, school graduations, others about go-kart races or Grand Prix events where his father took him to. All of them are wonderful memories in his heart.

Jenson was almost about at the half of the book when one of the pictures struck him and as he looked at the next few other photos he recognized they were all about the same event.

The go-kart camp.

He found that one what Sebastian showed him days before, which was taken in front of one of the karts, and there were its siblings too. In one of them Seb and him were staring at the camera with a big grin; Jenson was squatting showing up his index finger while Seb gave him bunny ears. There were pictures about the races and other kids as well; some of them were still his friends.

And in the next moment Jenson found himself watching some weird photos. It seemed they were taken in a huge tent, like a beer tent. There were plenty of people sitting around long tables or dancing to live music, or at least he thought it was live since in one of the photos there was playing a band in the background. And there was him sitting with a little blond kid beside him, back to the photographer. Jenson spotted the piece of cake in front of them almost immediately but the strange thing was there was only one of it.

As Jenson was keep watching the pictures he could tell the two boys were communicating joyfully, or at least they tried even if they didn’t talk the same language. One of the pictures really caught his eyes; there was something special in the way as they looked at the other. Like brothers do. There was something in their eyes, maybe concern which somehow faded away during the years since they became a rival to each other. It was scary in some way to seeing themselves like that.

 

The front door closed quietly behind a silver headed man and as he turned about his look met Jenson’s. The man took off his shoes quickly and walked up to the younger man.

 “What’s up, boy?” he asked bending down staring at the book in Jenson’s hands. “Oh, you’re watching old pictures, huh? Nice memories” the man grinned and maybe it was just his imagination but Jenson almost could swear his dad winked at him.

 “Do you remember this?” he asked pointing at one of the pictures about the weird event.  
  
John knitted his brows thoughtfully and in the next moment his face brightened.

 “Yeah, yeah, of course I do” he straightened.

 “And what about him? Do you know who is this guy?”

Mr Button gave him a mysterious smile after he glanced at the photo.

 “I guess?”

 “So?

 “So what?”

Jenson didn’t care about the confused look on the man’s face, he knew him too well to know he was playing with him.

 “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talkin’ about, Old Boy. Who is this guy?

 “Well, I think you already kn...” One killer glance from Jenson and it was already enough to drag the answer out of the man. “It’s Seb...”

 “Sebastian?” Jenson’s voice was filled with disbelief. He couldn’t believe it could happen. His dad knew it all the time and never told him. _What a betrayal!_

 “Yes, it’s Sebastian Vettel” the man affirmed in a talker tone.

 “You knew it.”

 “What?”

It just made him angrier as his father tried to play the role of the innocent man.

 “You said it’s Sebastian Vettel. You mean it’s _Seb_! ‘The Red Bull‘ Seb. ‘The Three Times Formula 1 World Champion’ Seb. ‘That Idiot German without his fucking bowtie’ Seb! ‘Th...”

 “Yes, it’s him.” It seemed Mr Button was slowly losing his patience as he interrupted his monologue.

 “So you knew it all the time that we know each other since our childhood. Why the hell did you never tell me?”

 “Maybe ‘cause you never ever asked me?”

Now John’s voice was low and he seemed a bit concerned about the sanity of his son. Jenson noticed it and for a moment he couldn’t find his voice; he opened his mouth just to close it again helplessly ‘till he pulled himself together and after a deep sigh he looked back at the photos.

 “When did you take these ones?” he asked.

John looked at them again and answered musingly.

 “During the last night of the go-kart camp. There was a banquet or something like that. Beer tent, live music, plenty of cheering people, lot of food and cakes... It was a great night after all. Oh, look, it’s a really cute picture!” he pointed at the one about the two boys looking at each other with that strange look of them. “But it’s still not my favourite one” he giggled.

 “What?” Jenson frowned. “What do you mean?”

 “Please turn” he commanded.

 “Why?”

 “Just do as I said.”

Jenson did, and as soon as he turned the page his heart almost jumped out of his chest.

 “What the hell?!” The driver never thought he would ever be able to make such a high tone of his voice what just left his throat by that few desperate words.

John was laughing so hard Jenson wondered why the other part of the family didn’t come to check on them yet.

 “Yes, yes, it’s absolutely my favourite one” he clapped on one shoulder of his son.

 “Will you explain _this_ to me?”

 “It was a banquet, Jenson. People were dancing, so were you.”

 “Yes, I can imagine. Yet it’s still not an explanation”

The old driver’s mood could change so fast from one minute to the other it was almost scary. Now he wasn’t laugh anymore, he used that serious voice again like he was talking to a child.

 “There were families like ours or Sebastian’s. There were his sisters as well along with other girls but of course still weren’t enough girls to all the boys. Could you imagine how many mini drivers were there? Now calm yourself down. End of story.”

 “You’re telling me I went to the banquet with a boy at my side because I couldn’t find any girl for myself?”

 “No, I’m just telling you went there with your family and met with your little friend in the tent.

 “But why didn’t I dance with a girl? And don’t tell me I was just a child. I must have been a miserable child if that was all I got. A friend!” he said huffily pointing at the picture again. There were some kids in it dancing together in the background, and in the middle there were the two boys holding hands and staring each other with a big grin.

 “Yeah, and now you’re a drama queen.” The old man seemed to be loosing his patience again. “Not that you had the chance to care about any girls around you though. Son, the only thing you cared about that time was racing against the others. And yeah, Sebastian was the other one since the two of you became really good friends.”

 “Friends...” he sniffed. “What friends? He’s my enemy...”

 “Enemy?”

 “Or rival, it doesn’t matter at all. This all thing is just funny that it seems we were good friends somewhere in the past and now we barely even talk to each other.”

 “Well, I think it’s mostly because of you and not because of him.”

 “Oh, stop it, please.”

 “However, it’s not something what you can change now. Accept it. And if I wanna be honest I don’t want to believe you really can’t remember of him.”

 “I can! I just can’t believe that it was him. It’s still strange.”

 “Strange or not that’s the case so there’s nothing to do now. And if you want to know my opinion, I think you were cute together.”

 “I’m sorry, you what?”

 “Why? Just look at this one. It’s really brotherish, isn’t it?”

The playful light returned in the older Button’s eyes as he was pointing at another one of the pictures about the dancing pair. Jenson had enough, he closed the book and threw it at the coffee table as he stood up from the chair. He still could hear the laugh of his dad as he hurried to the stairs. He took only a few steps when the man started speaking behind him.

 “Jenson?”

 “Huh?” he stepped back to look at his father.

 “You had a diary in that time, you know? I think you wrote about him in it.”

 “Oh, shut up Old Boy.”

John burst out laughing again and Jenson didn’t even take trouble over looking back when he heard the voice of his dad again.

 “It’s in the loft if you’re interested!”

 “Dad!”

 

*

 

Though Jenson tried to pretend he was not interested in that diary at all and made his childish little movements to prove it, he found himself in the loft soon. He was searching for it everywhere; between the old useless junks, on the dusty shelves and in the big, stuck down boxes. Finally in one of them he found a smaller one from grey carton which used to be white in the past, but the dust and the passing time must have changed its colour. As Jenson opened it up he found a little black book there. It was like an engagements book, but as he pulled it out from there he recognized it.

It was the diary.

Jenson could feel the growing nervousness in his chest as he held the little object in his hands. It was years and years ago and now it was like if he was just holding a part of his own life, of his past. Such a weird feeling, and scary in a way. That feeling when you’re curious about something but in the other hand you don’t wanna know about it ‘couse you’re afraid of it. He feared for knowing about those already forgotten memories and feared for remembering of his actual age. Even if he never really mentioned it or was joking about it, he was really concerned. He was thirty-three years old now, in an age which should have been about the family, marriage and children, which was nice. But it also meant a retirement, the beginning of a new life and the ending of his career. Surely he knew the two things didn’t rule each other out but he always thought when the time would come he wants to concentrate on his family with all his heart.

The driver took a deep breath and opened the little book up. He wasn’t reading everything just checking on the pages, sometimes stopping at the seemingly interesting pages. There were long memos and also shorter ones. Some of them were not more but a date and a line next to it for description. It was a bit bittersweet turning the pages; remembering of all the nice memories was wonderful but in the other hand it was also painful to remember of all the troubles in his family. The divorce of his parents, to accepting his new mother... Actually he never accepted her completely. No matter what happened, his real mother was always Simone. He just couldn’t forgive the other, then young woman for pulling apart his parents and his family. Probably it’ll always be a never heeling wound in his heart which makes him sad in a way, even if he contacted his real mother again. That’s why he tried to avoid this topic in his whole life.

As he was watching the memos in the book finally he found what he was searching for. On the first page about the event there was a date and a title:

_‘1992 French Go-Kart CAMPionship’_

The diary was full with records about the camp, shorter and longer notes, photos, quotes, sometimes drawings too. It seemed Jenson wrote in the diary almost every day, it was a real treasure-pit.

The driver was smiling as he was slowly studying the memories what he recorded in the past. They were all wonderful and funny stories, but one of them was more unique, way funnier than all the others. That note which was about his first meeting with Sebastian. It was not a long one, but it gave him a very special feeling. Those words were his first ever thoughts about the German driver after all. He couldn’t stop himself giggling as he was reading the bit rude lines.  
  


_“Today I met a really creepy kid. He just bumped into me when I was going to fixing my kart. Dad was angry with me when the boy fell down right after he left me behind and rushed away. He said it was all my fault ‘cause I didn’t look after him, but please, what more should I have done? I told him to be careful, I can’t help if he’s not just a miserable one but can’t even understand my language, I’m still not a mind reader and can’t use my telepathic gift for every upstarts. At least the boy’s father had some nice words to me. He thanked me to taking care of his son. The Old Boy totally lost his voice (and mind).”_   
  


All the sassiness in the words was so Jenson the man was almost surprised. He’s always been a bit sarcastic and seditious, especially when he was a child; actually he was way worse when he was a kid, and though he grew up and calmed down a bit by this time, he still had that sense of sarcasm.

He was turning the pages over grinning on his thoughts. The other memories were not else either, they really made him laugh but the most startling thing was the length of the stories. As he was keep reading the records became longer and more detailed, and it seemed at the end Sebastian had a constant role in all of them. It seriously made Jenson think about what his dad told him; that they were real friends in those days. Actually it was a surprising fact that Jenson used a special tone in his notes whenever he mentioned the German boy. Even after these years he could tell the way as he wrote about him was filled with pride and respect. The kid was just fantastic, a natural born talent who reached all the things what he couldn’t reach in the age of his, especially since he didn’t even use to karting in that time. He was already eight when he got his first kart.

What scared Jenson the most was the fact that though just days before he was against the other driver with all his strength, he was keep saying the man was not as talented as others thought him to be, and everything what he got in his life was because of his car and his team behind him and so on, now he couldn’t agree with these things anymore. He tried it, he felt a real urge to hating on the man but he couldn’t. He saw this guy as a child and he was as good in that time as he was now. Not just as a driver but as a person as well.

And to top it all the most frightening thing among the frightening things was the thought that his biggest rival was really his friend somewhere in the bygone. It made his flesh creep to think about how bizarre the life is. Sometimes it could mess everything up and we can’t even do anything against it, things just happen.

These were the times when Jenson realized how huge the world is, and how little the humans are.

 

He didn’t even notice how quickly the time passed by while he was studying the diary until he glanced at his wristwatch and it showed already 11pm. He almost gave up, his eyes were burning and his mind was numb by tiredness so he was just going to close the book but he couldn’t stop himself give it a last try. He turned a page one last time and then it was there. That particular note about the banquet. Jenson could tell it immediately since there was one of the photos which he saw about the event in the photo album before. The record was a pretty long one, Jenson could swear it was the longest one among all the others yet he wasn’t sleepy anymore. His heart was beating in his throat as he was staring at the pages and couldn’t decide whether he wanted to read it or not. He didn’t know what to expect from it and also had a weird feeling by the thought there wouldn’t be any more notes about the two of them. It was so nice to read those funny stories.

At last he took a deep breath just as he did when he was going to open the diary up and finally bent down to sinking in the memories.  
  


_“Dear Diary,_

_Today was the last day of the camp. We had a banquet just to saying goodbye to the event and each other. It was really fun! The Old Boy, Pippa and me went to the feast together. It was in a huge tent, I’ve never been in one like that before. Dad told me he talked to Norbert and Seb would come with all his family. I was a bit nervous to meet them, I only met his father before._

_As soon as we stepped in the tent I found Seb. He was sitting on a chair around one of the tables, talking to some older girls beside him, while his parents were standing a few meters away. They occupied the seats to us which was really nice from them. Seb recognized me in a minute like he just felt my look on him, it was really funny. He waved toward the other chair beside him so I went there and took a seat next to him. Well, it turned out the girls on Seb’s other side were his sisters. They were really nice, they could even speak in English a bit. Anyway they didn’t stay so long, they went somewhere with a pack of girls so finally it was just me and Seb, and our parents of course. Or actually my stepmother. I like Pippa, I can’t tell I hate her. I just can’t accept her completely and can’t even trust her. Seeing this huge, happy family of Sebastian made me a bit sad somehow. It just reminded me how different this meeting should have been with my real mum and my sisters. Probably our sisters must have gotten along with each other._

_However the night seemed to be so short. The food was fine, still French food is not going to be my favourite one ever. Norbert and dad were the jokesters of the night I think, I can tell the atmosphere was so good like during some Christmas party._

_We laughed a lot with Seb about our own jokes too, even if I couldn’t always understand what he tried to tell me. He always has this type of body language just flails with his arms, sometimes even with his legs so even when I can’t get what he wants to say to me I can’t stop laughing at him. I think he’s the same. It’s really fun to be with him._

_One of the funniest parts of the evening was once Sebastian stopped his gesticulations and was staring at the dancing crowed. There was this live music in the background which I also liked even if most of the times I’m listening to rock music. It seemed Seb was deeply pondering about something as if he also wanted to dance or whatever, I never saw him like that before. Actually I don’t know what has taken me, I just had this extreme idea and asked him if he wanted to dance with me. Yeah, me. I told you it was extreme! So since I think he didn’t understand me (or was shocked, I can’t decide, but he was really out of words I can tell) I grabbed his hands and pulled him after me right to the dance floor. I don’t know how it works with guys since I only danced with girls before during school and kinder garden events, so I just held his hands and... Well, yeah. Step in one way, then step in the other. Nothing special. However we laughed a lot, it was one of the most ridiculous moments in my life. Our parents were laughing too and Norbert and my dad took a lot of photo about us. I think I don’t wanna see them ever, it was too embarrassing. Okay, I’m just kidding. Probably I will really miss this little kid. It’s still strange to think about this after our first meeting. I really thought he was a creepy one. Well, I still think so but in a good way. Don’t want tomorrow to ever come._ ”  
  


It was so nostalgic reading these words, lots of memories mixed in Jenson’s heart. As much as he was afraid of this memory he was so satisfied with it now. His dad was right; it was not that weird or embarrassing at all, actually it was a really nice memory which the driver now could remember of.

Jenson was sitting there on one of the boxes awhile just staring at the book, deeply burying in his thoughts and couldn’t decide if he could smile or not. Finally he must have, he just couldn’t hold back the little smile forming in the corner of his lips.

Then with a sigh he stood up and closed the diary not expecting the little piece of paper which fell down from the book. As he bent down to pick it up he already could see the little writing on it which was in another language. As he straightened and looked at the words he could tell it was written by a child. It was not by handwriting but blocked letter, and he was almost sure there must have been some orthographical mistakes too yet the letters were beautiful for a writing of a five years old kid. Because Jenson was sure it was a message from Seb. He quickly opened the diary up again and searched the note about the feast. Right after that record as he turned a page once again there was a short line.

_“Farewell gift from Seb”_

Jenson looked back at the paper in his other hand, turning it, studying it as if he could understand the German words like that but he saw it wouldn’t help, so he put the chit back in the book and was going to close it when someone booed behind him and he almost threw it away.

 “Hey!” Jessica welcomed him with a kiss on his cheek as he turned about and she hugged his neck around with her arms. “What are you doing?”

Jenson leaned to the offered lips and kissed his smiling girlfriend while hiding the diary behind his back.

 “How did you find me?”

 “Your dad told me where you could be found. He seemed to be a bit secretive, it was almost scary as he was grinning under his nose. What is this all about?

 “What do you mean?”

 “You know. You, in the loft, sitting on a box...”

 “You saw it?” Jenson couldn’t even hide the frightened look on his face.

 “I’m here for a while now, yeah.”

 “Then you should know. I didn’t do anything special just had a look around. I wasn’t here since my childhood.”

 “Really?”

 “Yes, I guess?” Questioning back was one of the best ways to veneering the lies.

 “Then we should reconnoitre this place sometime, what do you think?”

 “I think that time is not this time, I’m too tired now. Let’s go to sleep.”

With that Jenson dropped the little book carefully on one of the boxes and pulled the girl with him out of the place.

It seemed Jessica was a bit disappointed but she didn’t complain, just followed his boyfriend down the stares. Jenson was in silence, his mind was filled with thoughts and it couldn’t even help when his gaze met his dad’s as the man left his own room next to Jenson’s. It seemed the Old Boy was somehow enjoying the situation. The driver didn’t say a word; he turned his head in the other way and went right into his room. He didn’t even care about the little laugh what his dad let out as he closed the door behind him.

He sighed and stood there for a moment before took off his clothes and only with his boxers on he tumbled on the bed and dropped off almost immediately, barely recognizing the inquiring look of his girlfriend next to him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I present this chapter as the 4th but actually we can say it's the first part of the 5th chapter. Since it would have been too long I decided it would be fine if I cut this chapter here. So please be aware of this is like the first part and the continuation will come on next week.
> 
> I recommend this chapter to my dear friend, Gabi. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I had to work yesterday and was very tired when I came home so I postponed it. At least you don't have to wait that 'much' until the next update. ;)
> 
> Enjoy!

  
The last two weeks were really weird for Jenson; once he thought Sebastian Vettel was a natural born talent with a good personality, next he was convinced that the driver was an arrogant twat who wouldn’t be able to reach anything without all the people and help behind him. It didn’t help either when he saw some commendatory report about the man on the TV, or when things didn’t went as they were planned with the team, not talking about his two friends who were complaining about the German driver all the time.

And to top of everything Jenson couldn’t stop himself going back to the loft on the other day to read his old diary. He read everything in it, and then read them again and again till he knew every words of it by heart. Before he and Jess left the family house he had a feeling and hid that little ‘farewell gift’ chit in his pocket. He didn’t know what to do with it, he had no plans just wanted to figure out what was the meaning of the words on it, and when the chit was with him it felt like he could learn about it in every second, like a bolt from the blue.

The plenty of mixed thoughts in his mind were confusing and soon Jenson found himself in a situation where he couldn’t concentrate on anything but his past and his present.

 

_One of the oddest things of the past few days was when he found an article in an old newspaper which was about one of his wins from 2011. Sebastian was second on the podium and there was a picture about the two of them as they were handshaking. It could be a natural thing, nothing special but Jenson couldn’t pass by the fact as Sebastian was staring at him. It was so familiar like in the photo from their childhood; there was the same light in the man’s eyes and it really confused the British driver._

_Since he couldn’t forget about it no matter how hard he tried he went to his laptop and was searching for other photos about themselves. All of them were the same, Sebastian was staring at him like he was some precious thing to him, and for some reason Jenson also smiled back at him with concern in his eyes. Jenson tried to remember of that year and he could tell everything was different in those days. They were rivals, yeah, but respected each other. He even liked the man, or at least didn’t hate him. Actually he really liked joking about him._

_As he was searching for more information he found some interviews with the German and himself where they were talking about their incident in Spa. Because of Sebastian the two of them had to give up that race, Jenson could still remember how angry he was, but then in the middle of the night a really embarrassed Sebastian called him to apologizing and suddenly all his anger flew away. He didn’t feel anything but sorry about the kid and he hurriedly tried to reassure him that everything was fine; it happened to everyone, even the biggest drivers._

_Jenson’s forgotten about these memories but after reading the articles he remembered of not only the accident in Spa, but that incident in Germany last year. Sebastian was cheating, there was no any other explanation of his illegal movement on him, and after that thing the German did the same what he did in Belgium; apologizing after the race, also in the night via phone. But this time Jenson was not so soft-hearted about the other driver, it was a different situation, it was not an accident, not only a mistake but a direct move from the guy and Jenson couldn’t really forgive him since then._

_To be honest as he thought back of that time he had to admit that everything started after that incident. All the hatred what he felt towards the guy... Something's changed in him._

_To diverting his mind he kept searching and finally found a weird website about the two of them. First he thought it was a simple blog but there were strange pictures about them like the one which was taken during the FIA Price Distribution Gala, what could be a nice one, there were a pretty honest smile on their faces as they were staring at the camera, standing close to each other; only there supposed to be Jenson and Jessica, and not Jenson and_ Sebastian _in that photo. It was obviously photoshopped which was unintelligible for Jenson._

_And then there was it. A photo about one of the press conferences and it was a really insulting one since it seemed Jenson tried to kiss the other man in it. The British could almost see the lust in his own eyes and there was a playful smile on Sebastian’s face. Jenson freaked out by the photo especially since it was not a photoshopped one and because there were other similar photos about them._

_Soon he found out a part of the people thought the two men were lovers and they even got a couple name, ‘sebson’. Jenson felt sick by the lot of information which mixed in his mind, and the growing anger in his chest was almost unbearable, only he couldn’t decide if the anger was for the stupid, abnormal fans or Sebastian._

_Seb couldn’t help anything after all._

_Jenson quickly slammed the laptop shut and tried to calm down but it was really hard in that moment. He heard about these things, about these ‘shipping’ things before, of course he did; he was a huge fan of Japan and had a half Japanese girlfriend too, and in Japan these things had a big cult. However it was really hard to accept the fact people thought he was gay, or at least bi, or at least in love with one of his rivals. Now he really felt sorry about all the Asian people who worked in the media and the fans were shipping them with another._

 

The hand in his pocket tensed and his fingers involuntarily encircled around a little paper. He didn’t even realize his movement as he deeply buried in his thoughts again. He didn’t notice the world or the noises around him either; he was somewhere else in his mind not for the first time during the day.

 “Jenson Button!”

Jenson was dragged out of his daydreaming by the angry calling, for a moment he didn’t even know where he was. As he looked up at the man in front of him he found a very furious Tim there. The man was red and pressed his lips together as if he tried to hold back the words down in his throat.

 “What the hell is wrong with you today?” Tim asked in a shaky voice.

 “I’m sorry.”

 “You’re sorry? Jenson, it’s not the time of apologizing, we don’t need apologizes. We need perfect concentration here!”

Jenson wanted to apologize again when he remembered Tim just said he didn’t need it so now he really didn’t know what to say. Ha stood there and listened to the other man’s lecture.

 “It’s okay that we said it’s time to concentrate on next year, but let me enlighten you; it doesn’t mean we want to be the last one by the end of the season. For fuck’s sake, we don’t wanna finish after a team like bloody Caterham or Marussia, do we?"

There was a silent murmuring by the team which sounded as a “no” but Tim seemingly wasn’t satisfied with it.

 “What? I didn’t hear it!” he shouted touching one of his ears.

 “No!”

This time Jenson shouted along with the mechanics and Tim nodded as a response.

 “That’s it, guys. Now, everyone go back to your job.” Jenson also moved closer to the car when Tim turned back to him with a ‘what the hell are you doing’ face. “You don’t! Now you go to drink a cup of coffee or tea, or just breathe some fresh air or whatever, I don’t give a fuck what you will do but do something to yourself! You get fifteen minutes break then you’ll come back absolutely concentrated, understood?”

Jenson rolled his eyes with a sigh, he knew there was a huge pressure on the man’s shoulders; he had to prove that it was worth to change his position whilst all his hard work seemed to fade away when they were on the track. The MP4-28 was a disaster. However Tim was a bit overreacting in these days or more in the past two months. Sometimes he acted like he wasn’t in an F1 team but at least in the military.

 “Yes, sir” Jenson saluted and didn’t wait for the other man’s reply, he turned about immediately.

As he was leaving the McLaren garage he still could hear Tim’s livid voice behind him.

 “What on Earth? What the hell are you doing there, men? Just to clarifying the things: are you trying to win the worst tyre changing team award or what? Why the smelly hell can’t you change a fuckin’ tyre without any mistake? You wanna kill the drivers? Sometimes, I repeat sometimes it’s understandable if you have some failures during a race, there’s a pressure on you, I can see it, but mother of Saint Peter, it’s the fuckin’ McLaren garage without fuckin’ rush so where the hell is that fuckin’ pressure of you?” There was a big silence for a moment, there was no member of the team who dared to move or speak. “Change the shitty tyre!” Tim shouted at one of the mechanics one last time which he got a really silent “yes” reply to before the man ran to the car and kneeled down beside it. “Are you still here?”

 “No” Jenson said turning about again and this time he really left the place behind him.

 

It was so relaxing going out to the sun for a bit. The air was hot even in the morning but the wind was slightly blowing which was refreshing his heated body. The little confrontation between him and Tim pissed him off, he could punch the man in the face and tell him to calm the fuck down ‘cause with all these behaviours he wouldn’t be able to build a good car and not even able to get any respect from the mechanics or Martin, but there was a good point in it too; Jenson forgot about his other problems even if just for a short time.

Now that he was alone and slowly calmed down he got back all the frustrating thoughts in his mind. He reached into his pocket for the little paper and his fingers tightened around it thoughtfully. He didn’t even remember when he put it there, it was almost natural in these days to bring the chit with him to everywhere. Sometimes he decided he would ask the German driver about it but then he thought it was a bad decision, it was childish and unnecessary, maybe even ridiculous so he doubted it.

Now he was walking in the pit lane didn’t even know where he was heading to, he just let his legs leading him not caring about where he was or what the others thought.

Suddenly something bumped into him and as he looked up to check on what or who was the lucky one he didn’t see anything but a huge, red shadow before realizing the man in front of him.

 “Fernando!” he shouted with a grin, patting on the Ferrari driver’s shoulder.

 “Hey Jense! What’s up man? Are you going to see Mark?” the Spaniard asked in a hurried tone, with his funny Spanish accent. Jenson knitted his brows for a moment looking around and just noticed he was almost at the Red Bull garages. “I’m in a hurry now but I have something important to say to Mark. Could you tell him to call me later, please? Great, thanks!” Fernando lifted an arm up to reach his tall friend’s shoulder just to clapping on it, and soon he was on his way with a hurried “bye Jense”, not even letting the British to find his words.

Jenson was standing there frozen for a moment, it took a little time for him till he was able to shut his mouth close. What the hell was that? And what the hell was he doing around the Red Bull team? He turned back and looked up at the building. “ _Sebastian Vettel_ ” he read. Something moved in his stomach like before an examination when you’re so nervous you could kick everything and everyone around you. It was true that he was nervous in a way. It was really disturbing that the boy was around him all the time even when he actually wasn’t, even when he really was going to forget about him and just live his life like before he knew about their past.

Jenson took a deep breath as he looked in the way of the working mechanics and was going to turn around and go back to his own team when he heard his name behind his back. Mark stood there and waved to him with a big grin so Jenson couldn’t resist, he started walking to the opponent team.

 “Hey mate! How are you doin’?” the Aussie asked smiling as he reached for Jenson’s hand.

 “Hey Mark. I’m fine, just a little tired so got fifteen minutes break. And you?”

 “Working on the car, some problems with the KERS, the usual story” he waved a hand resignedly. Yes, the usual story. Mark had always problems with his KERS, or if it was not the KERS it was something else, but something always went wrong with his car especially since he announced his retirement. These were the times when Jenson really felt hate towards the German driver and his whole fucking team. And look, he got at that Vettel kid again!

The British sighed as if he could calm himself down with it and glanced at his friend sympathisingly.

 “Keep up, mate. Just a few weeks left.”

 “It’s okay, I’m not sad. I have a really nice career behind me even without winning a championship. They can’t break me, y’ know? I’m proud of all the things what I achieved in these years. And actually quiet excited about next year, it’ll be something new in my life. So I’ll be fine.”

The Aussie was smiling but Jenson knew him too well, he could see through his mask and it was so painful to see how his friend tried to be positive. Anyway, Jenson felt so much respect for him for all the strength what the man got. He was already tired of the failures what they had in his team in the last two years, and look how small this thing was compared to Mark’s problems. Jenson even won a championship once not like his friend.

The British really felt guilty. 

 “I’m happy for hearing it.”

 “Yeah. But you look more troubled than me. Are you sure you’re fine?”

 “Yeah, yes, I’m fine. Too much thinking in these days, not enough sleeping... How was your break?”

 “Lot of work, but I had some free time so I went for a cycling holiday in the mountains with Ann. It was beautiful and relaxing. The landscape and the fresh air... It’s invaluable.”

 “Yes, I can imagine” Jenson smiled and he really could imagine. He liked these tours, the nature, the feeling of freedom; sometimes he was a bit jealous of Mark for going to these places all the time. He didn’t really have much time because of his works and actually the triathlon what he loved with all his heart too. It’s become his second love after F1. Still he really thought about to going to a trip with Jess like this cycling tour once.

 “Don’t be so wordless, Jense!” Mark patted on his shoulder with a grin.” What were _you_ doing? Did you visit the old family house?”

 “Yeah, yes, we did. We went home and took a little rest with the family. At first there were only me, dad, my sisters and Jessica, all the other men of the family went on a trip with the kids so it was so silent. I think my sisters planned it, I can see through them” he laughed. “Finally the other part of the family arrived too, and even my mom visited us. I can’t remember when the last occasion like this was, when the whole family was together.” Jenson frowned thoughtfully as he tried to remember and it was really hard. Maybe on a Christmas Eve many years ago... Maybe even before his world title. “And we also flew to Japan just for two days. It was tiring and relaxing at the same time to be honest.”

 “I’m not surprised, mate. I can understand now why the hell you are so worn-out.”

 _Oh, you have no idea_ , Jenson thought as he looked in the garages’ way again, unintentionally searching for a blond guy. The chit was still in his left hand now creased and wet by his sweaty palm. He didn’t know how he got there, or what his real intention was, but he did know now he must talk to the guy. Before he totally loses his mind.

 “ _Jenson!_ ”

Jenson almost used to hear his name in that shouted tone it was so frequent in these days.

 “Yeah?” the British asked glancing at his friend just to turning his head back to the Red Bull team.

 “You’re not listening.”

 “Of course I am.”

But he didn’t even look at Mark. The answer was so automatic like breathing and the Aussie knew it too.

 “No, you’re not.” No answer. “Are you looking for someone?”

 “Yes.” But as soon as he said it out aloud he already regretted it. “No!” Jenson shouted finally turning to Mark who was staring at him with a sceptically raised eyebrow. When another eyebrow joined the first one Jenson knew he can’t fool the man. “Actually yes. I’m looking for Sebastian.”

 “Sebastian? You mean Vettel?” he shouted disbelieving.

He knew it. Jenson knew it so well the Aussie will react like that. And now he was so fucking nervous for maybe the German guy also heard his name, it could have been so embarrassing.

 “Hush, Mark, don’t yell at me” he tried to calm his friend down but he could see it won’t work this time. The driver seemed really pissed and Jenson already knew why it was for. And the reason made him angry as well. “No, not again. I told you I don’t care about your seat, why are you doing this? Don’t be so childish!"

 “Fuck off, I’m not childish. I only want to know if my friend would like to get my seat after my retirement. Is that so bad? Why can’t you just tell me? I won’t be mad.”

 “You’re already mad.”

 “Of course, ‘cause you can’t trust me and be honest with me. With your friend. Does it even matter if you want my seat? I would be more satisfied if you got my seat than if someone else did.”

 “But I really don’t care about it, for fuck’s sake!”

Jenson knew he shouldn’t have yelled either but he couldn’t stop himself anymore, it was so frustrating that his friend misunderstood him. And even if the man said it didn’t matter whether he gets that place or not, of course it did. He knew Mark for years and knew it was a soft spot for him.

 “So? Why are you looking for that guy then?”

Jenson licked his lips troubled while he tried to find some explanation. He couldn’t just tell Sebastian and him were friends somewhere in the far past, actually they are some childhood friends or something like that and that he was there to talk about these things or whatever things, actually he didn’t even know it himself what the hell he was going to talking about with the guy, but he couldn’t just tell all these traumatizing information to Mark, could he?

 “I... I can’t tell...”

 “Oh, so you can’t tell but you’re telling me you don’t wa”

 “I can’t tell you now, okay? Look, it’s a soft spot even for me, it’s a confusing, unbelievable story and I don’t wanna talk about it now. I promise you, I’ll tell you later but not this time. Okay?”

Mark didn’t answer immediately; he had that sceptical look on his face again but finally nodded as an agreement.

 “Okay” he sighed.

 “Thanks mate” Jenson smiled and patted on his shoulder.

 “Nando and I are going for a run today. We’ll meet in front of the Ferrari garage at 8pm if you’d like to join us.”

 “Yeah, fine, I’ll be there.”

But Jenson was already scanning the Red Bull team again so it was obvious he didn’t really hear his friend.

 “Then see you later.”

 “Yes.”

 “ _Sebastian!_ ”

Jenson shuddered at the shout of Mark and he almost told him off but he didn’t have the time since the Aussie man was already on his way, and as Jenson followed him with his eyes he spotted the German guy in front of his garage. Mark had a word with the blond guy before the man looked at Jenson and after a little wave to the Aussie he started walking towards the British man. The nervousness what he felt before was nothing compared to what he felt in this very moment. It’s okay he decided it in himself that he’s really going to talk to the guy this time, but he didn’t actually decided it. It was just a thought like always, and now he didn’t know what to say as Sebastian stood in front of him with a big grin on his face.

 “Hey Jenson.”

 “Hey.” Jenson wasn’t sure if it was just his imagination or his voice was really that low so he quickly cleared his throat.

 “Mark said you wanted to talk to me.” The statement sounded rather as a question as Sebastian unsurely knitted his brows.

 “Yeah, sort of.”

 “Sort of...” he frowned even more. “Okay, so what happened?”

Now or never, it was the time, or maybe it wasn’t actually the time but Jenson knew if he wouldn’t do it now there won’t be another chance and to be honest there was no reason to procrastinating it for so long. It was not such a big deal, he just wanted to chat with an old friend, so it didn’t matter whatever all the other members of their teams or the other teams would think.

 “Nothing special actually.” Sebastian had a sceptical face, he was obviously confused so Jenson licked his lips and hurriedly spitted out the first thing what occurred to him. “How about a cup of coffee at seven o’clock? Or tea, whatever.”

 “Coffee?”

 “Or tea. Or whatever, I just... thought we could talk a bit? I want to show you something.”

And that was true. There was no way back now, he said it and he had to do it. Childish or not, ridiculous or not, unnecessary or not, he will show him.

 “Oh!” The confused look transformed into a surprised expression and soon Sebastian was smiling again. “Okay, fine, of course. I also want to show you something.”

 “Really?” he smiled back.

Jenson didn’t know why he was so happy about the fact that the German not only wanted to show him something too but maybe he was just as much nervous as he was and finally the British was the one who took the first step towards the other man.

 “Yeah. So how about meeting on the grid at seven?”

 “The grid? Okay, it’s fine. I’ll be there.”

 “Yes, well, I thought then we could decide whether we want to stay here or go out somewhere else.” There was an awkward pause for a moment before Sebastian started talking again. “Or actually it’s already decided since it would be weird if someone saw us together, wouldn’t it?”

 “No, it’s all right.” Of course it was not. “But I also prefer to stay here.”

 “Then it’s settled.”

They smiled at each other and suddenly it was another awkward moment of them. Jenson really thought about to driving a new diary and fill it with all these awkwardness because they were unbelievable. Not the moments themselves but the fact they were _their_ moments.

 “Well, I should go back now. I think my break is already over for a while so...”

 “Oh, it’s okay. I should go back too. I was in the middle of the work with the team when Mark summoned me."

 “Then see you later.”

 “Yeah. Bye Jenson” the German clapped on his back with a big grin and he was already nowhere.

Jenson was still standing there totally stunned, just watching the spot where the other driver disappeared. It’s going to be an interesting meeting.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting, lot of speaking, surprising facts and grumpy friends.  
> That is to say: a pretty long chapter.  
> Enjoy! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I'd like to express all my regrets about the tragedy in the Button family. All my thoughts and prayers are with them. I really liked John and it's still unbelievable what happened to him. He was not even old, 70 years not that much I think and it was so out of the blue. I think it is the worst when things happen so sudden and everything seems to be a nightmare around you. I wish all his family to be strong in these hard days. God bless them. Rest in peace, Dear John.
> 
> Also, though I wasn't sure about John's role in the fic in the actual circumstances, after a few days thinking I decided it would be pointless leaving him out of the story. He has an important role in Jenson's life, whether in the real life or just in a fiction. So I won't delete his parts and will write about him in the future as well.

 

The hours passed by so slowly like the evening never wanted to come. It was not surprising; of course when you are excited about something the clock seems to be stopped, and the growing tension in Jenson’s chest didn’t help him either. Now it was really disturbing, it pissed him off how nervous he was about a little chat with an old friend.

Actually it was more than just ‘a little chat’, the man knew it well. It was already abnormal to talking to the German guy like two simple men and not like two rivals, but... but yeah, the subject he wanted to talk about was not a usual one either; he decided it once and for all that he must mention every weird thing what he found out about themselves in the past few weeks.

The team left the garage at six o’clock thanks to Tim, so the British had only an hour, actually less than that to prepare for the night. He hurried to their hotel and as soon as he was in their room he quickly took off his clothes and dropped them all on the floor as he was walking up to the bathroom.

The flowing lukewarm water on his heating skin was so relaxing it really helped him to calm down a bit. Though he wanted a quick shower he just stood there with his hands on the wall, head bowed down and his eyes closed as he put his thoughts together in his mind. _Why would you worry about a thing which has not even happened yet?_ With that thought he turned the streaming water off and got out of the shower.

He had only twenty minutes left to the meeting so he hurriedly put a usual McLaren t-shirt and black shorts on, picked the dropped clothes up from the floor to put them in the laundry, and he was finally leaving the place when suddenly Jessica showed up in the door.

 “Oh! Are you going to somewhere?” she asked a bit surprised.

Jenson lost his words for a moment and had to think over what would he say, he didn’t want to talk about his meeting to anyone, not even his girlfriend. He took a deep breath as he answered.

 “Yeah... Nothing important, I’ll be back in about an hour I think” he said as he kissed the girl and brushed by her didn’t expecting any answer.

 

The road from the hotel to the grid was not long or it didn’t supposed to be but Jenson gave up the hope for that anything could be short or quick in the actual circumstances. It felt like every second in the car took a minute, and with every step he took towards the track his fluttering heart was beating with a heartbeat quicker. When he finally glimpsed the grid he almost thought it to be only a mirage. It was funny how hastily he went to the meeting place and now as he was just a few meters away he unintentionally slowed his steps down.

 “Jenson?”

The British was going to resist the call, he was sure it was only his imagination hearing voices in his mind which were too similar to a particular voice, but after the second shout he really had to rethink that theory. He paused for the call didn’t dare to turning around.

 “Jenson, where are you heading to?”

 “Dad!” the driver finally turned to the other man. “What are you doing here? I thought you were taking a nap.” 

 “Went for a stroll before? Well, I think I asked you first. Jessica just went to your room having a rest with you... or whatever.

Jenson could feel as the blood was flowing into his cheeks for the words. He wasn’t a boy anymore but he felt like he was in these days, what more he felt like he was unveiled and couldn’t do anything against the growing guiltiness in his chest.

 “I... I...” He really tried to cook something up just as he did it with Jessica, but to tell a lie to his girlfriend was a thing and to tell a lie to his dad was another. John was standing there patiently waiting for the answer and he seemed more and more concerned for his son. “I’m going to see Sebastian” he sighed turning his head away from his dad.

 “Sebastian?” Jenson looked up at his father searching for a sign of... well, he didn’t even know it himself what was he expecting from the man but surely not what he just saw on his face. It seemed as if the Old Boy was really enjoying himself like some bloke in the cinema. Only the popcorn was missing from his hands. “And may I ask you what the special reason of this secret meeting is?” the ex-driver asked with a slight smile on his face which was startlingly familiar to Jenson.

 “Talking to him?”

 “To your rival?”

 “Why is that all of you are so horrified by the thought I could spend some time with Sebastian?” the man burst out frustrated. He couldn’t understand people’s behaviour around him. Why was it such a big deal to being with the German? “Mark is my rival, Fernando is also my rival and still they are my friends, and I spend lot of time with them without anyone’s questioning it. So what is the difference to be with Sebastian?”

The atmosphere was very uncomfortable as the British finally concluded his monologue. John didn’t say a word just stood there staring at his son with a thoughtful look on his face and there was something else in his eyes, something like understanding which confused the driver.

 “Jenson, it’s not bad if you’d like to be with that guy, no one said that.” _Of course some said._ “It’s just a bit unusual in these times, you know? I mean... all of your hatred in the last few months and now you suddenly want to see him, no, not just see him but secretly see him? It’s fine, the two of you can be friends like you are with your other ones, only the circumstances...”

The circumstances, yeah. The circumstances said they barely had a relationship now days, didn’t even talk except the formal things. So yes, it must have been really surprising to all the people around him, even to himself. The anger what he felt suddenly flew away and left only anxiety behind. He knew he was rude, that he almost stepped beyond the borders and the fact he just worked the tension off on his dad wasn’t even an explanation to his behaviour. You can’t just talk to your parents like that.

Jenson swallowed his pride and fears down and took a deep breath.

 “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to... It’s just a meeting, a little chat about the past, nothing special. But since I didn’t talk about it to anyone... You know, it could be weird, I don’t know what would they think, I don’t even know what should _I_ think, so we didn’t agreed on it with Sebastian, I just made the decision by my self to not talking about it to anyone.”

It was surprising how much easier he felt his soul to be now that at least his dad knew about his fears.

 “I see that, Jense, really. But to be honest I’m still not sure if you should hide this from your friends, it only will lead you to misunderstandings, and I must say if they really are your friends they’re going to understand... But do as you wish, I won’t tell it anyone.”

 “Thanks dad.”

The Old Boy was smiling again and the awkward atmosphere seemed to be fading away as if never was there. Jenson sighed relieved and smiled back at the other man.

 “Now go, don’t be late” John winked with a wicked grin which made Jenson somehow uncomfortable but he didn’t mention it to his father, just nodded and already hurried away.

 

*

 

The sun was lighting the view up with orange lights as the night was coming; the air was not as hot as it was in the afternoon, it was mild and pleasant, the type which made you sleepy and dizzy.

As Jenson finally arrived at the grid it seemed to be empty, only Sebastian stood there back to him, thoughtfully staring at the track with his hands idly shoved in his pockets.

 “Hey Seb” Jenson smiled when he stopped by the man.

Sebastian looked surprised as he turned to him, it seemed he was really deeply buried in his thoughts or he just simply didn’t expect the man to actually coming.

 “Hey” the German returned the smile with a very familiar light in his eyes. It was the same what Jenson saw in all the photos about them, and to think about that made his stomach do that strange thing again. The tension came back to his chest for the thought how absurd things they should talk about and for a moment he was tempted to doubt it but since he already decided once there was no way back now. Jenson Button never draws back from anything. “So how about that cafe on the corner? It’s cheaper than the other one which is mostly used by the teams but it’s smaller too so there is no much people. Since I think there’s no way to avoid everyone it’s still the best way to avoid most of the people here and there. Or if you have a better idea...?”

 “No, no, it’s fine. More than fine. I’ll stand you a coffee.”

Sebastian laughed by his heart as he started walking to the huge building which was built to the V.I.P. guests, and also was used by all the F1 teams and staffs during the race weekends. There were really good coffee bars and restaurants in it, and the view was perfect on the top of it, you could see most of the track from there.

 “It sounds like buying-off.”

 “Can I?”

 “No way” he laughed again and Jenson couldn’t hold back the growing grin on his face. As much nervous as he was just a minute before he couldn’t feel the anxiousness anymore, he was rather curious and excited about the night. A whole cheeky night with the idiot German boy... It sounds funny.

*

 

 “So you’re a real English gentleman?”

 “Huh?” Jenson hemmed in response trying to choke the piece of cake down.

 “And you still love cake as I see.”

 “What do you mean?”

The German was smiling mysteriously like he knew something what the British didn’t. They were in the coffee bar for a few minutes now and Jenson already liked the place. He had to admit it was a good choice from the other man; it was small as he said but still friendly with all the beige and dun colours of the wall and the furniture which were in perfect harmony with the claret blackout curtains around the tall windows. There was lowly humming music in the background, but it wasn’t disturbing at all, you didn’t have to shout through the rhythms to be heard. And there were really not much people around. It seemed the media absolutely forgot about the place or just simply left it aside thinking there’s no way finding any remarkable person there. Well if it was the case they were wrong especially since Jenson just decided he will always use this place from now on. So there were only Jenson, Sebastian and a few staffs from other teams but it seemed they didn’t care about the two men at all.

Now the rivals were sitting in one of the corners facing each other; Sebastian was sipping his cappuccino while Jenson had his usual cup of tea and a lovely piece of chocolate cake.

 “You’re drinking tea and eating cake, it seems like a normal ritual for you.”

Jenson could have taken the words as a provocation but he knew the man too well even if they didn’t talk often, so he knew he didn’t mean it in that way. It was a simple remark.

 “It is. I usually drink and eat the same in my break.”

 “Is that so good?”

 “Which one? The tea or the cake?”

 “Both. The tea with milk” grimaced the German “and the chocolate cake too.”

 “Actually they are. You should try the tea-milk thing out once before sentence to it.”

 “No, thanks” he shook his head, defensively lifting his hands up with a goofy smile around his face.

 “Why? It’s not bad at all. Do you think I would drink it if it had a bad taste?”

 “You know some say bugs also taste good.”

 “You have the point” Jenson laughed and lifted his cup up to his mouth to sip its content.

 “And what about the cake? Do you eat this type all the time?”

 “No, it depends on my mood. I was in a chocolate cake mood now.”

 “Is there a _chocolate cake_ _mood_? What gives people a chocolate cake mood?”

 “Even the thought they have to spend a night with you.

 “Hey! You mention me here as a bad thing!”

 “No, I don’t” Jenson grinned back at the man. “People could eat chocolate when they are in a good mood, not only when they are sad or nervous.”

 “That’s true. Anyway, what ever the case is I must remind you, you asked me out.”

Jenson choked on the next piece of cake in his mouth. The other didn’t mean it in that way, of course he did not, yet it seemed the whole ‘sebson’ thing drove the British crazy. A little joke was enough to remind him of all the madness around them and look, it almost killed him.

Between two coughing attacks he decided better not to eat the leftovers of his cake so he pushed his plate away and wiped his teary eyes off.

 “Jenson? Are you all right?” the German asked worriedly patting on the man’s shoulder.

 “Yeah, fine. Sorry, I think I ate too fast. That’s the penalty of all the insatiable men” he tried to joke but his hoarse voice told the man he wasn’t perfectly fine.

 “Yeah” Sebastian smiled sitting back but the British still saw the concern in his eyes and somehow he was flattered by it.

 “Seb?”

 “Yes?”

Jenson wasn’t sure what to say but he felt it was the right time. That he will not have any better chance to tell the guy all the things what he _asked him out_ for. To cover his shaking hands he grabbed his cup and started stirring the tea regardless there was not much tea in it.

Sebastian was still staring at him curiously when Jenson looked up at him and it gave him a little strength. The man took a deep breath and drunk the leftover drink.

 “Have you ever searched on yourself on the internet?” he finally asked.

 “Why?” the German frowned.

 “Just answer the question.”

 “Well, yeah. Sometimes.”

 “And...” It was the hardest. His heart was beating so fast he was afraid the other also could hear it even despite the low music. “And have you ever found something strange about you? Something which was fake and also extremely stupid?”

The man straightened in his chair and put his cappuccino aside.

 “Jenson, the whole internet thing is about this. Of course I have, but it doesn’t matter. We are all famous people, of course fans, haters and especially the media always create stupid, crazy things. You can’t care about them if you want to keep your sanity in safe.”

The sudden silence between them was uncomfortable, it made Jenson itchy. He understood the man for sure, and he agreed with him; but it wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. However it turned out as if the British was some idiot who was worried about the media. Okay, sometimes he cared about the things in newspapers like when Pippa wrote to a magazine saying how she loved him, how much she cared about him when he was a child and yet he didn’t even invite her to his thirtieth birthday party. In fact they were not in contact for a while then, and actually Pippa left his father and him behind, it was her fault. First she tore his family apart and then she hurt his father too, of course he didn’t want to hear about the woman anymore. Yet he felt guilty after he read the article, not talking about the interest of the media. He was really upset and depressed in those times even if he never showed it.

Jenson shook his head to drive the painful thoughts away. Sebastian must have seen the troubled expression on his face but he didn’t mention it; he was waiting for the answer patiently while he thoughtfully knitted his brows.

 “No, I didn’t mean it” he finally started talking again. The German raised an eyebrow for the words and licked his dry lips. “Have you ever found something strange about _us_?”

Sebastian seemed to be confused now and his face slightly flushed for some reason.

 “Us?”

 “Yes, us. You know, you and me.”

 “I know what _us_ means!”

 “Then will you answer the question?”

 “I don’t know what strange thing do you think?”

 “Whatever.”

 “Why? Have you found something?”

Now it was Jenson’s turn to blush. He looked down at his empty cup and turned it in his hands a few times before finally pulled himself together and spitted it out.”

 “Yes, I have.”

 “Oh. And what have you found?” It was a mystery why the German was grinning.

 “It’s a...” he cleared his throat. “It’s a thing... A couple thing.”

 “A couple thing?” the driver raised his brows.

 “Yes, a couple thing! You know, like _Brangelina_ or whatever their name is.” Since it seemed the German still didn’t understand him he burst out impatiently. “People think we are together!”

But Sebastian didn’t react as Jenson expected him. After a short dismayed silence he burst out in a laugh and seconds later he even had to wipe his eyes off. The whole moment was embarrassingly bizarre.

 “What?” Jenson asked grinding his teeth.

 “Ah, sorry. But... Did you really just resemble us to Brangelina?”                                                                

 “What on Earth!”

Jenson couldn’t understand the man at all. He just told him people think the two of them were in love and that’s all what he cared about? The resembling to that idiot celeb couple?

 “Sorry, sorry.” Sebastian wiped his eyes again and let out a sigh as he finally pulled himself together. “So you found out?”

 “What?”

 “What, what? What do you think?”

 “Sebson?”

It seemed the German would burst out in a laugh again but he just scoffed and bit on his lower lip instead.

 “Yeah, that. Thought you already knew about it.”

 “You knew it?”

It was unbelievable to know Sebastian not only knew the rumours but he was okay with them. He didn’t seem to be troubled at all.

 “Yes, for a while.”

 “Why did you never tell me?”

 “Tell you? Well, I’m sorry that I wanted to forget about it, not mentioning our hardly cloudless relationship in these days. Anyway, I don’t care about it anymore. It was a bit disturbing at first but now it’s rather funny.”

 “Funny?”

 “Yeah. The people’s fantasy...  They are really creative.”

 “How could they be creative? It’s madness!”

 “Yes, it is. But it’s there even if you don’t wanna hear about it. And you can’t do anything against it. It’s something what is in people’s mind, something what they can see even if they didn’t get the reason. They see things what they want to see. That’s all.”

 “I’m at a loss to understand how you could be so calm. Aren’t you angry?”

 “Angry? Why should I be? They are all still our fans even with their madness. They are supporting us with all their hearts, give us strength when we have a bad time.” Sebastian seemed so sure about his thoughts Jenson couldn’t say or do anything just sat there and listened to the man’s words. “The drivers need lots of things for their success. Talent, convergent team, competitive car, good weather, and even their fans. Without them it wouldn’t be complete. Who would you prove your talent then? You can say anything but it’s still true: competitors want to prove not only themselves but also the whole world.”

 

Jenson was amazed by the younger driver. Though he didn’t agree with him, he just couldn’t accept this kind of craziness, he had to admit the way as Sebastian was thinking was in an adult’s nature. In that very moment he felt like the guy was maybe even more mature than he was and it was frightening and somehow fascinating at the same time.

He thought about the younger himself, the way he was thinking at the age what Sebastian was in but he was completely different from the German. He was more childish, more frivolous and hot-headed, had lots of failures also in his personal life and his career. Sebastian was a special man, someone unique and Jenson had a feeling there was no other like him in the sport. It was a scary thing that for a moment he thought he wanted to be like him. He wanted to be that calm, that positive. That wise.

Jenson didn’t even realize when he put the cup in his hands down. His fingers were entwined on the table as he was staring at the other man thoughtfully. Sebastian didn’t look at him, now it was his turn stirring his leftover cappuccino like he got bored with the waiting for the British’s answer. Or maybe he was just embarrassed by his own words. _But he shouldn’t have been_ , Jenson thought. He was magnificent.

 “Maybe you’re right” the British said and he really thought it. Or at least he could agree with the ‘every fan is the same’ part. No matter what they did fans were supporting the drivers all the time, with all their failures, mistakes and bad properties too. Maybe he just had to accept the fans with all their bad habits. Maybe he just needed some time like the German did.

Sebastian snapped his head up and looked at Jenson stunned. Even his lips slightly parted.

 “Maybe.”

The older driver couldn’t hold a smile back for the silent, unsure words.

 “But it’s still crazy.”

 “It is!” the German smiled back at him. “How about a walk?”

 “It’s okay with me.”

And with that they stood up from the table putting some money on it, enough for tip, and left the little coffee bar behind.

 

The sun was barely visible in the sky as they stepped out from the building; the orange lights now transformed into a mix of pink and light purple. It was a beautiful play of the nature. The balmy summer air was also refreshing and made the two men dizzy as they started walking back to the track side by side.

 “You said you wanted to show me something.”

The idyllic atmosphere seemed to fading away as Jenson remembered the other reason he wanted to meet the guy for.

 “Yes, just like you did” he turned to the other. Jenson couldn’t decide whether it was only the lights or the German really did flush; his cheeks looked a bit pink. “So, spit it out!”

 “Hey, you said it first, you show me first.”

 “Don’t be so shy, Sebi. Just show me already, I’m really curious here” Jenson smiled along with the other man. Sebastian sighed with a goofy smile and shoved a hand in his pocket.

 “Do you remember when I said you still like cakes?” he asked while he was fumbling in the pocket on his checked shorts.

 “In the coffee bar? Of course I do” he answered knitting his brows confused. He didn’t understand the connection between this and the thing what Sebastian wanted to show him. But he understood it soon.

 “Here” the German handed a little paper to him. “I had a bit research for our past when I was at home and found more old photos. This one was a really nice one I think” he smiled as the British took the picture.

It was one of those which were about the banquet of the go-kart camp. It was like a missing piece of a puzzle. This one was taken from front as the two boys were sitting together around the table, a big smile on their faces as Jenson was seemingly talking about something with wild gesticulation, and a piece of cake in front of them what the German boy was happily eating.

Jenson couldn’t hide the grin on his face as he was studying the picture. He must have admitted they were cute in those times.

 “I found the siblings of this photo at home” he said amused.

 “Really?” Sebastian seemed to be surprised by the words as if he didn’t expect that response.

 “Yeah. We have some of them. It was a nice day, wasn’t it?”

 “Um” the driver nodded with a happy smile.

But Jenson still didn’t understand why did the German say that thing about cakes before? In the picture it was Sebastian who ate the cake and not him.

 “But...” he frowned.

 “Yes?”

 “Just still don’t see why you said I still love cakes.”

 “Why?” The German was apparently confused. “Because it’s your cake.”

 “What?”

 “It was _your_ cake what we were eating there. It was some special cake as I remember, I’m not sure, I only remember of you got the last piece of it and shared it with me.”

 “What do you mean by shared it? I never share my cakes with anyone.” It was true; Jenson never shared his cake with anyone not even if someone held a knife to his throat.

 “Actually didn’t share but gave it to me. I didn’t want to take it away from you or something, of course I didn’t, I just stared at it because I was a bit envy you it I think and you pushed your plate in front of me.”

 “Me?”

 “Yes” the German nodded. It was totally unbelievable for Jenson he ever did a thing like that, there was something amiss. “And I shared it with you. I ate the half of it and pushed the other half back to you. You ate it with your own fork for sure” he added with a laugh as he looked at the completely stunned British.

Jenson didn’t think the German was lying but it was still hard to believe he could do such a thing. It was incomprehensible. Maybe Sebastian remembered it badly or he just dreamed of it. However if it was true – and there was a big chance it was – then it was thought-provoking in every way why on Earth did he do what he did. There must have been wholehearted trust between the two of them and he must have really liked the boy to do a thing like that. Anyway, the thought Sebastian shared that piece of cake with him eased his mind. It was a kind gesture from the kid.

 “Well, it’s hard to believe it. I never do such a thing like that” he said seriously and glanced at the other driver. “You should appreciate it” he handed the photo back amused.

 “I do” the man grinned and lifted his hands up defensively for the reached picture. “No, it’s yours, I brought it to you. I have my own one at home”.

 “Are you sure? Thanks then, this one was missing.”

And with that he took his wallet out from his pocket and shoved the photo in it.

 “You’re welcome. By the way, what were _you_ going to show me?”

 “Ah, that” Jenson let out a shaky sigh and put his hand in his other pocket searching for the chit. To his surprise he wasn’t really nervous anymore, he was rather excited to know what the piece of paper said. “Here” he handed the chit. The German seemed confused as he took it over but a moment later a soft smile formed in the corner of his lips.

 “You kept it” Sebastian said dismayed.

 “Yep, something like that. I’ve also been searching for some memories about us and found this.”

 “Where did you find it?”

 “In my diary. Actually it was an accident I noticed it. I was going to close the book when it fell out of it.”

The long silence from the other one was too suspicious to the British driver so he glanced at Sebastian and he could see his fear was not for nothing. It seemed it took a great effort to the guy not to burst out in a laugh. He bit on his bottom lip, face way redder than normal and shoulders shaking as he tried to hold the laugh back.

 “What is it?” Jenson asked confusedly.

 “You... You have a diary?”

Jenson’s lips fell open; he didn’t expect such an answer. Or at least he didn’t think the diary would be the main point of the other man’s interest or laugh.

 “No, actually I don’t have any, I just _had_ one. When I was a _child_ ” he underlined the word ‘child’.

Sebastian scoffed and took a deep, shaky breath to calm himself down.

 “Don’t get me wrong, please, I don’t make fun of you, it’s just... I never thought you had such a thing. It’s adorable.”

 “Well, it seems I had and no, it’s not adorable. Maybe funny or whatever, but absolutely not adorable.

 “I didn’t say it’s not funny” the German chuckled again why he got a very scary look from the British. “Anyway” he cleared his throat “what did you write about me in your diary? Come on, tell me! What did you think about me in those times?”

Sebastian acted the child with all his childish curiosity and big eyes so well Jenson almost changed his mind about the man’s maturity. Yet he didn’t mention any of these thoughts just shook his head with a slight smile before answering him.

 “That you were a creepy little youngster.”

 “Fuck off! You didn’t.”

 “Better believe it” Jenson grinned and laughed when the German playfully pushed him away as a response. “Now tell me what the paper says!”

 “Hm?” he looked at him confused but the colour of his cheeks said he understood the British’s words well.

 “I tried to read it but you had such an ugly handwriting in those days and I bet there are so much mistakes in these few words too I couldn’t figure the meaning of them out, no matter how many versions I used to write in the web-translator.

 “You used a web-translator?” It was the umpteenth time Sebastian looked like he can’t hold his laugh back anymore but it seemed he was rather embarrassed this time.

 “I must have! How else should I have managed to find out the meaning of the chit?”

 “It must have been really important to you if you went so far.”

Jenson didn’t answer, now it was him who could feel the heat of the flowing blood in his cheeks as he blushed. He didn’t think about his action in that way yet and the fact what Sebastian just pointed out made him itchy. “So” the German looked at the paper again and blushed even more. “Yeah, I can tell there are lots of mistakes in these few words. But there’s nothing wrong with my handwriting” he laughed embarrassed. “But about its meaning, well... Actually nothing important.”

And he wanted to give the chit back but Jenson resisted it.

 “Seb” he said in a warning tone.

 “What? It’s really nothing important. You make such a big fuss about it.”

 “I don’t care. I’d like to know it.”

Sebastian sighed slightly shaking his head and glanced back at the paper.

 “ _I will miss you_ “ he read. “ _Your forever loving friend: Sebastian._ That’s all” the man added with another sigh.

Sebastian was right, it was really nothing much, they were just simple words on an old, yellowed paper chit; there was nothing special about it. Yet these simple words made Jenson’s heart beating way faster. He didn’t know what he expected from it but surely not this. Rather something like a message hidden in the words as a code, but it turned out to be an embarrassingly obvious and honest message.

Jenson didn’t know what to say so he just hummed thoughtfully, not looking at the man beside him.

 “You see? I told you it’s nothing” the German said misunderstanding the other’s silence as he gave the chit back.

 “No, it’s absolutely something. I just... I don’t know.”

 “You expected something else.”

 “Yes.”

 “It’s okay. I was five years old then, it was already fantastic I could write like that in those times.”

 “Well, your handwriting was not that fantastic though.”

 “Fuck off!” Sebastian laughed lightly boxing in the man’s shoulder.

Jenson didn’t say a word just grinned at the man wildly, enjoying their time together. He really had a lovely time with Sebastian and subsequently he didn’t mind to invite him at all.

 “Can I ask you a question?” the British finally turned to the other driver curiously. Not that it mattered; he just couldn’t put it out of his head.

 “I don’t know. Can you?” Jenson rolled his eyes but he couldn’t hold a little smile back. It wouldn’t be Sebastian without his cheekiness. “Okay, out with it!” the man said.

The British took a deep breath and cleared his throat before started talking. This subject was still a bit uncomfortable for him.

 “How did you find this sebson thing out?”

 “Oh, that! Well, do you remember what I said in 2011 during the FIA Gala?”

 “I don’t know, you said a lot of thing in your half an hour long monologue.”

 “It was not last that long” the German shot him a disdaining look. “And yes, I said a lot of thing but there was one particular thing what I mentioned. As you maybe know it I don’t really like the internet and usually don’t even use it. I don’t have that twitter thing either, I’m even neglecting my own blog too... “

 “You have a blog?” Jenson interrupted the man turning to him with widen eyes.

Sebastian only nodded and continued the story where he ended it.

 “But after I won my second world championship I had a feeling and searched for myself on Wikipedia. That’s what I mentioned during the gala.”

Jenson couldn’t believe his ears; that was awful to think about what people could do just for fun, even on a site which was so famous. It freaked him out.

 “And you found something about us on Wikipedia?”

 “Not immediate. It was later after my little mentioning. I don’t know why I searched for myself again, I really don’t do things like that I can tell, but I had something like an intuition so I did it and what I found there turned out to be something frightening. I was shocked by reading abut our love story, that we are a lovely couple and also there was a mentioning of me and Mark as well. It was totally madness.”

Jenson let his mouth fall open; he was so shocked like the German could have been after his discovery. The way as he found out about the two of them was way better than Sebastian did.

 “I can’t believe it” the British finally said totally stunned.

 “Yeah. But it still happened. Anyway, they changed the contents of my wiki since then as I know it.

The older had to admit this was a situation what there was no solution for. You can’t just change people’s mind if they have their own imagination about things, they can see nothing but what they want to see, especially when you’re a famous one.

Jenson shoved his hands in his pockets resignedly as he let a worried sigh out.

 “That’s it than. Think it’s better if we bow to it.”

 “Yes, I already did. Just a few months and you will laugh at it too.”

 “Thanks, Sebi, it really helps me a lot” Jenson said ironically but he couldn’t wipe his grin off of his face.

 “You’re welcome” the man winked as they already reached the garages. There were a few staffs around from various teams, and some people working for the media but it seemed no one cared about them.

Jenson looked at his wristwatch and it showed almost half past eight. For a second he was surprised by how quickly the time passed by while he was together with the German, it felt like it was only a half an hour what they spent together. Jessica must have been mad at him since he promised he’d be back soon. The British dived into his pocket searching for his phone but remembered he left everything behind in his haste, so he couldn’t even call his girlfriend. It didn’t matter now anyway, he was already going to their hotel...

 “Oh my god!”

 “What is it?” the German turned to him apprehensively.

Jenson couldn’t imagine how could he be so foolish to not remember his friend’s words right after he left him? It was like a phase delay as he suddenly remembered of Fernando’s words about a call from the Aussie; he was too busy with himself in that moment to comprehending what the other said to him. And to make it even worse he also remembered that he said yes to Mark’s invitation for a jog with him and the Spaniard. God help him survive from those two men’s anger!

 “Seems like I forgot about something important.”

 “What did you forget about?”

 

But Jenson didn’t have to give an answer as they arrived at the Ferrari’s garage and found there the two friends. They didn’t seem to be happy at all.

 “I can’t believe my eyes. Jenson!” the Spaniard was mocking about him putting his hands on his hips.

 “Hey.”

 “Hey? That’s a bit slim at the moment, don’t you think?” The other Red Bull driver was clearly unhappy to see the two of them together, or at least to see Sebastian around too. He shot a very scary look towards the guy; his face was so stiff by the anger it was way frightening than the frowning of Fernando. Jenson knew it well the German’s presence topped everything after the fact he completely forgot about his mates. 

 “Oh, look who came along with him! Sebastian!” the Spaniard shouted acting like he just noticed the man. “Would you like to join us?”

The sarcasm was undoubtedly sensible in Fernando’s words but it didn’t seem to bother the German, he only raised an eyebrow amused.

 “Thanks, I don’t need extra training as you can see it, but it looks like someone does so have fun, mate” he said cheekily and patted on the man’s shoulder before turning to Jenson, who visibly didn’t know how to hold his laugh back. “I must go, Jenson, if you don’t mind. See you later.”

 “Yeah, sure. Good night, Seb” the British said with a soft smile as he accepted the younger man’s offered hand.

 “Good night you too. Bye guys! Keep it up, Fernando!” Sebastian added waving to the other two men and giving a saucy wink to the furious Spaniard before he left.

The colour of Fernando’s face was almost matching with his T-shirt’s, only the vapour was missing around his head to looking like a mad bull.

 “That little...” the man grinded his teeth but couldn’t finish his statement on the other driver; Mark silenced him as he moved towards the track leaving the two behind. Fernando glanced at the British for a second and joined the other without saying a word.

Jenson could understand their anger, he couldn’t complain about it but it still surprised him how his friends treated him, like he did something criminal. He just stood there mutely for a while watching the men leaving before finally went after them.

 “Look...” he tried. “Look, I’m sorry, I forgot. About both of you.”

 “Yes, we noticed it” Fernando shrugged.

 “I know I was a dickhead...”

 “No doubt.”

 “But I just had so many things in my mind, I think I just... You know, I didn’t know which way to turn.

 “It’s okay Jenson, you don’t have to explain yourself” the Aussie said in a dull tone not even glancing at him.

 “Mark...”

 “I don’t care!” the man suddenly stopped turning to the British angrily.

They were staring at each other in silence while the tension was growing between them more and more till it was so heavy with all the anger, disappointment and helplessness it was almost unbearable; Jenson felt he could explode in every minute. Then the Aussie turned around and left him behind. The British didn’t know what to do; he was standing about and was almost going to leave the two men alone giving them some time to calm down but then Mark started talking again while he started their jog.

 “Limber up! We already did.”

Jenson paused for a moment; he was surprised and somehow relieved at the same time. He knew he hurt his friends even without his intention, and they were so bullish and proud sometimes yet this little gesture from Mark was a sign of their forgiveness, just like a peace-pipe.

The British let a relieved sigh out and started doing some warm up movements, but soon he stopped doing them and ran after his already far away friends instead.

 

 “So you started calling him Seb again?” Fernando asked as he joined them.

 “What?” he turned to his friend knitting his brows bewilderedly. He didn’t know where to put the question.

 “You haven’t called him Seb for a while now. Seems like the two of you are in peace again.”

 “Why are you saying that? We’ve never been in a fight. And since when I stopped calling him Seb? I used to call him that before.”

 “When? In 2011?” the man scoffed raising an eyebrow sceptical. Mark didn’t say a word; he just kept running as if he didn’t hear the conversation. “Anyway at least stop lying about your _gee look great_ relationship, we all know you didn’t like him recently.”

 “Who said I like him now?”

 “You didn’t seem too bothered by him.”

 “Maybe I grew up?”

 “Since when? The last race?  Come on, Jense!” the Spaniard rolled his eyes and Jenson must admit he couldn’t fool his friend. He glanced at Mark on his other side but the man turned his head away in protest. “Something must have happened.”

The British pressed his lips together thoughtfully; he was pondering about telling them the truth but he wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea. Maybe later, he surely will tell them later but it seemed too soon at the moment.

 “You won’t say anything?” Jenson snapped his head up looking at the Aussie who finally broke his silence pledge totally surprising the British driver.

 “What do you want me to say?”

 “You know it.”

Of course Jenson did. He promised Mark he would talk about all the strange things around him but now he felt it was a hurried promise.

 “I promised you I would talk about it later but it’s still not the time. Give me some more time, okay?”

Fernando alternately glanced at Mark and Jenson while the two men were staring at each other silently. Mark didn’t say anything just nodded showing him that it was okay with him but he clearly wasn’t satisfied with the answer.

 “Does it make any sense if I ask what the hell the two of you are talking about?”

Mark shot a knowing look at Jenson but turned his head away letting the man decide whether he wanted to talk about it the other man or not.

 “I’ll let the both of you know about it soon, okay? It’s nothing special anyway.”

Fernando’s face told everything; he didn’t believe any of the words what the McLaren driver just said.

 “Does this thing have something to do with that monkey?”

 “With who?” Jenson frowned.

 “Vettel” he said rolling his eyes.

The British let out a tired sigh while he was already thinking about his answer but he couldn’t came out with anything useable.

 “Why do you ask?”

 “Oh, come on! It is there for everyone to see. I can see something has changed between the two of you and then there is this little conversation between you and Mark too. Don’t see me as a fool because I’m not!”

 “I never thought about you as a fool.”

 “Well, it’s perfect. Then you can give me that answer.”

 “I’ll give you the answer when I feel it’s time to do it. But now I just want to think over some things in my life.”

The Spaniard didn’t say anything just stared at him, knitting his brows suspiciously. Jenson couldn’t be sure but it was like the man was suspecting something though it was a ridiculous assumption. After that they didn’t harp on the thing anymore; they all tried to forget about it for a while and concentrating on the next race.

 

*

 

It was about ten o’clock when he finally arrived at the hotel. The little jog refreshed him a bit though it also made him tired and sleepy. He knew he should have slept for some time past now but he was enjoying the running with his friends so much he didn’t care about the time or anything else. After the uncomfortable subject about his secret the three of them was in the usual mood what they’ve always been, which meant they were laughing a lot and fooling about each other. In the last few metres of the track they fought against the others to being the first. Well, at the end it turned out all the triathlon was for nothing with those long legs of Mark. Jenson only became second while Fernando was third. Of course the Spaniard was a bad loser so he was swearing about but the two men just laughed at him. It wouldn’t be him without his childish behaviour. And in fact they were all competitors, which meant they were all the same.  None of them could lose at all.

Jenson was sure Jessica was already sleeping or if she wasn’t she must have been angry with him to coming back so late. He preferred the first one but as he opened the door of their room the intense lights were burning his eyes painfully, indicating that the woman was still awake. Jenson take a deep breath preparing for the worst as he shut the door closed behind him and started walking to the bed what Jessica was lying on.

 “Thought you said you won’t be out for so long” she said not even glancing up from the book she was reading.

 “I’m sorry. I forgot I already made a promise to Ma...” Jenson took another step towards the bed but then stopped talking as he noticed the book in Jessica’s hands. He froze as the panic and the anger started taking over him.

 “You never told me you had a diary?”  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really one of the longest chapters I think.
> 
> Anyway, sorry for the late update again, I didn't feel well.
> 
> Also, I want to say thanks for all the kudos, likes, comments and messages, so all the feedbacks I get from you. You are wonderful! I love you all. <3
> 
> Enjoy the new chapter! :)

 

The summer break is always the most waited one in drivers’ lives – right after the winter break of course. This is the only time during a season when they actually have the time for some relaxation. Though they can meet their family and friends even in a two or three weeks break, it is always hurried ‘cause they have to go back to the factory soon. In summer break they have a month to do all these things, and far from must work on their car it is rather no-no for them, it is a simple rule.

Like everyone, Jenson was excited about the summer break as well; as much as he loved racing, he always waited for this periods very much. The holidays on Hawaii with his girlfriend, the triathlons, the family meetings and the trips in Japan, it was all nice. However this break was a lot different from any others for him. Firstly the atmosphere between Jenson and Jessica was uncomfortably cold after the British found his girlfriend with his old diary in her hands. The man had to admit he had conflicts and little fights with the woman sometimes, actually as much relaxed they seemed to be together to the public they were so explosive in real life; this was the spice in their relationship. Anyway he was rarely really angry with his lover but in that very moment he really didn’t know how to handle the situation. The woman was not only seeking in his stuffs but also maybe figured a secret out what Jenson didn’t want to tell anyone yet. It was a sensitive spot of him, something special what he wanted to keep himself; he wanted it to be only his and Sebastian’s and just to think of Jessica got to know about it without his permission, without his will, made him shockingly angry and scared in a way. It was so hard to contain himself.

The playful smile promptly disappeared from Jessica’s face when Jenson asked her stunned who let the woman seeking in his stuffs. Finally it turned out she just found the book on the man’s bedside table right before he entered their room and had no time to studying it, so it seemed she didn’t know about Sebastian, though the British didn’t dare to ask her. However it was hard for Jenson to fix his exploding then; he couldn’t find any clear explanation for it. After a long, uncomfortable minute with silent eyeing and vain thinking he decided to say it was only because he thought the woman was rummaging in his stuffs without his permission and he was allergic to things like that. Of course it was not a satisfying answer mostly for she knew him as the back of her hand and Jenson knew his girlfriend was still suspicious but she dropped the subject anyway. After their little tiff they went to sleep without a word; Jenson on his side, Jessica on the other.

The tension was still sensible in the air even after the next few days. There was barely any communication between the two and when one of them asked something the other mostly gave a short answer which was totally unusual. When they had a fight than it was real fight like an explosion which burned their hearts in the moment but left only the smog behind what completely disappeared the next day. But now it seemed they were incapable of managing this new situation which’s reason was maybe unknown for both of them.

 

~

 

The other abnormal thing during the summer break was his new habit. Actually not his but _their_.

One night his phone vibrated with a message from an unknown number. First he thought someone misspelled the number and the message meant to someone else, then he thought it to be a joke of one of his fans but he was more surprised when he finally read the message through.

 

_‘Many people in this country are becoming increasingly worried about bull-fighting. They say it's not only cruel, vicious and immoral, but also blatantly unfair.’_

Jenson was thinking about deleting it without reading the rest; he just couldn’t figure the meaning of that completely silliness out even thought it was somehow familiar to him. Yet after a little hesitation he decided to read it till the last word. It won’t hurt anyone, will it?

 

_‘The bull is heavy, violent, abusive and aggressive with four legs and great sharp teeth, whereas the bull-fighter is only a small, greasy Spaniard. Given this basic inequality what can be done to make bull-fighting safer?’_

Jenson knitted his brows bewildered as read the text again and again. The familiar words were chasing around in his mind confusing him and it pissed him off not knowing where he heard them before. It was totally madness. And why would someone send him such an idiot message like that? Was they drunk or what? What the hell did they want to say with all those things about the bulls and the greasy – greasy, really? – Spaniards?

 

And then like if it downed on him he remembered of an old memory about one of the scenes of a film. It really took a great effort to him not laughing aloud under his girlfriend, who just fell asleep on the top of him watching a late night movie from one of the sofas in the living room.

Jenson held his phone grinning and started typing his reply fighting against his shaking body as he tried to hold his laugh back.

 

_‘nobody expects the spanish inquisition’_

 

He waited till his mobile signed back the other person got the message, but he didn’t put the phone down from his hands; he was still excitedly staring at the display waiting for the answer when it finally arrived.

 

_‘haha You got it!’_

 

Jenson’s grin widened for the words as he quickly typed back.

 

_‘you watching monty python?’_

 

Of course he did, the long quote was definitely from one of the Monty Python works; he could even tell it was one of the Flying Circus episodes. And there was only one person who would text him a message with it. Sebastian.

 

_‘Sorry, pun intended. I couldn’t resist it. Don’t tell Fernando, he would be angry.’_

 

_‘theres no doubt’_

 

The British lifted his head up for a second to ascertain his girlfriend was still asleep. He tenderly stroked the woman’s back playing with the long, soft hair lying there, and looked back at his phone right in the moment as he got the other man’s answer.

 

_‘What are You doing?’_

 

_‘watching some late night film with Jessie. actually she already fell asleep. i should tuck her in the bed and join her’_

He really thought about going to sleep; it was hard to concentrate on the action movie or whatever it was. Actually he was too tired to caring about any program on the television. It started as a relaxation watching the film but now he really missed their bed.

_‘It’s really late so you should, yeah. Hope I didn’t wake any of you up’_

_‘no, definitely not’_

 

Jenson yawned and carefully stretched a bit beneath the woman. He checked on his wristwatch and realized the German was right; it was nearly midnight and time to go to bed.

 

_‘Fine then. Think I should go too. Good night Jenson, have a nice break.’_

 

_‘u 2, Seb. we’ll meet in Spa’_

 

And with that he put his phone aside with a smile and woke his girlfriend up just to search for their bed.

 

~

 

And though the first time was a bit bizarre as Jenson remembered it later, that’s how their new daily routine started; it became a habit to the two sharing text messages in the most unexpected moments of the day about the most haphazard things what just happened to them.

 

Like once when the British was in one of Tokyo’s stores shopping for dinner.

 

_‘Fuck, this line is really long’_

 

Jenson smiled after reading the text and immediately wrote back.

 

_‘where r u?’_

_‘In a store buying ingredients for my pasta. You?’_ came the answer.

 

He looked around for a moment and let his lips curling up in a wide smile as he saw no one around.

 

_‘also in a store shopping for my sushi. i’ll prepare it’_

 

_‘Very impressive. Must be delicious with all those green alga and unrecognizable kelps. Good luck, man’_

 

_‘do i sense sarcasm here?’_

_‘Of course not, i’m very serious here’_

 

Jenson cheerfully chuckled for the words. Of course the man wasn’t serious. He was a cheeky little monkey as the Spaniard would have surely called him.

 

_‘your pasta must b better. healthy calorie bomb, wow. eat a lot, im still in a fight 4 an honourable place in the drivers’ championship’_

 

Jenson was wandering in the store for a while then, yet with his empty trolley it seemed he just arrived. He was only gaping between the counters waiting for the other man’s replies.

 

_‘Don’t be conceited, I’ll work it off with Heikki soon ;)’_

 

He couldn’t help the loud laugh which escaped from his throat this time; it was an impossible mission holding it back when the other was such a cheeky idiot again. However Jenson regretted it soon as he got a very odd look from a stranger beside him; the Japanese woman was sorting the tomatoes to herself but suspiciously knocked off for the noise looking up at him concerned and hurried by the surprised man quickly. Jenson was following the woman with his eyes, blushing by the thought how weird he could have looked to the other people laughing by himself. He cleared his throat unconsciously and fixed his facial muscles like nothing had happened.

But just a moment later he forgot about his worries immediately as the mobile vibrated in his hand signing another text from the German.

 

_‘The line is finally moving. I’m approaching to the finishing line’_

 

_‘it’s time 4 the fastest lap i guess’_

 

He couldn’t wipe his huge grin off of his face as he sent the text. Of course they couldn’t miss the opportunity for some lame F1 joke out.

_‘And the trophy is my delicious lunch which will be prepared by me’_

 

The message was shortly followed by another one.

 

_‘It’s my turn in the line. Good appetite for your dinner with your cute little chopsticks’_

 

_‘dey r not little and not cute either but my sushis will be. u dunno wut you miss. enjoy your launch 2 :)’_

 

~

 

But not only the German liked to bothering the British; the other driver also texted the man sometimes. They were chatting about meaningless things, joking about each other like two kids. It was so natural as if they were doing it in their whole lives.

One night after a long, tiring day Jenson was lying in his bad sleeplessly staring at the ceiling above him. It was almost two in the morning but the British still couldn’t sleep, not like his girlfriend who fell asleep as soon as she put her head down on her pillows.

Jenson’s mind was filled with concern about his car; the team was working on it without rest and it seemed they could really achieve something but still it was not what they expected, something was still missing. The driver knew it wouldn’t be enough to catch the others; they were still far away from where they should have got to.

And to top the day he had a fight with Jessica as well. As much as they matched together there was always something unexplainable in the air. At first Jenson liked that tension, that sparkle in the air which was transformed into flame burning them with pain and pleasure like a two sided sword. He called it passion in the past, now he calls it burden. Something what poisoning their relationship.

In the time when they decided to brake up he thought it would be the best for them. He’d really liked to believe it. On every race weekend he took the opportunity and checked on the women around him, flirted with them like he did it as a youngster, but he had to admit it was not the same as it was before Jessica. As much relieved he was by disposing the stress and anxiousness he was so lonely and depressed alone. He missed even the pain. That blaze burning their hearts and bodies.

And missed all the happy times together. All the little things they surprised each other with, the cheerful smile of the woman after a successful race, the loving kisses when he was disappointed, the supporting shouts before every grand prix and the enthusiasm he felt whenever they went to competing together. These little things made their relationship special. It was like a drug and living without it was real torture. Maybe that was the reason they gave another chance themselves and got together again.

Now as he was lying in their bad he couldn’t stop himself thinking about whether it was a good decision or not. He thought of it after every fight with the woman but at the end he always agreed with himself that it was right in the way as it was; it made the thing between them special and more beautiful. It made it more thrilling. And if Jenson was sure about something in his life it was the fact Jessica was the only woman he would ever bound his life with.

 

The clock on the bedside table was ticking unnervingly, let the man know the time was passing unstoppable, bringing the morning closer and closer. Jenson would have gladly grabbed the ticking object and threw it through the window, yet he grabbed his phone instead checking the time; it was 2:27 already. The man let out a frustrated sigh staring at the display of the phone, fingers roaming on the screen thoughtfully.

Before he realized what he was doing he already sent the message.

 

_‘wut r u doin?’_

 

The clock kept ticking more exasperating and now another maddening sound joined the rhythm; Jessica’s puffing. Jenson could hear every noise around him annoyingly loud as he held his phone in his hands, his fingers tightly closed around it as he was musing on whether he preferred if his phone would vibrate with the German’s answer or if the man was already sleeping and find his weird late night message only in the morning.

_‘sleeping’_

 

The British almost dropped the mobile away. He lifted his head up reading the message again with slightly opened mouth; he couldn’t believe his eyes, the man would swear to the other driver wouldn’t text him.

The shock flew away soon and a goofy smile replaced the dismayed look on his face as he texted back. 

 

_‘then who replied?’_

 

Just a few seconds and the answer already came.

 

_‘sandman’_

 

Jenson huffed reading the message. It was so Sebastian.

 

_‘the sandman reads your mind and reply instead of u?’_

_‘yes’_

 

_‘then ask him to wake u up, i wanna talk to u’_

 

_‘i can’t. he says i must sleep’_

 

_‘and u also talking to him in your dreams?’_

 

_‘why not? he’s the sandman’_

 

The smile on Jenson’s face widened even more for the answer but before he could response another message came.

 

_‘why are you not sleeping?’_

 

Jenson was thinking for a moment what to reply; the clock was still saying tic-tac, tic-tac, and Jessica didn’t stop puffing either, not even when the British glanced in her way for a moment. He texted only one word back after all.

 

_‘cant’_

 

It was a simple and short answer, and Jenson was sure the man wouldn’t be satisfied with that, but what else could have been written? It was none of his business and they were not even friends either. He didn’t even know anymore why he sent the first text to the German.

 

_‘something happened?’_

 

The driver sniffed. It was a simple question to a simple answer and yet it was so difficult to wording the next reply. Did something happen? Actually nothing more than usual. But all of these things were in the category which was taboo in his relationship with the guy.

 

_‘something like that’_

 

_‘it’s about your car?’_

 

Jenson let out a deep sigh scratching his head troubled. Sometimes it was like as if the man was reading his mind and it was really frightening. But if he was thinking logical the situation was totally obvious so maybe it was not that startling that the man hit on it at once. Well, partly hit on it.

 

_‘too’_

 

_‘?’_

 

It was completely unintelligible why he gave such a telling reply when he just wanted to end this uncomfortable conversation about his bad mood. He couldn’t hold another tired breather back as he looked at the little question mark. He knew it well where his answer will lead their chat yet he couldn’t just agree and write that ‘yes, it’s all about my car but everything else is fine, thank you very much’, it would have been a lie and he didn’t want to lie. Or maybe he just wanted someone to listen to him, someone who could have been impartial with him.

Anyway he decided it’d be the best changing the topic.

 

_‘why r U not sleeping?’_

_‘because someone won’t let me?’_

 

Oh, of course. He was so confused and sleepy now he couldn’t think clearly which pissed him off a bit, especially for he was acting like an idiot; though he knew the other man had no such thoughts about him in his mind.

 

_‘sorry, im a bit tired’_

 

_‘you should go to sleep’_

 

_‘i told u i cant’_

 

_‘so you decided you wont let me sleep either’_

 

_‘thats exactly the plan’_

 

Jenson could almost imagine the German’s face, his cheeky smile as he was reading the text, and he couldn’t stop himself grinning either. It was ironic talking to the man he wished to be as far as it was possible just a few weeks before, but sometimes it was better to talking to a stranger or an almost stranger than our closest friends. It was refreshing in a way; it could have surprises in store for both parties.

And maybe they could get to know each other more.

 

_‘haha well its a mercy that i can sleep even with your messages on my display’_

 

Jenson huffed cheerfully reading the message before typing back.

 

_‘you wanna leave me alone?’_

_‘only when i get bored with you’_

 

The man’s shoulders shuddered as he tried to hold his joyful laugh back. Maybe it was strange writing to the man in such a late hour but he didn’t regret it after all. Actually it was funny to say that it was the right decision. He wasn’t sure if any other friends of him could have eased his mind the way as the German did in the moment. Not even Mikey, his physio who really could make him laugh. In fact he just remembered now something what he already realized once when they had a better relationship. Once when they spent more time together, just before he started feel the unreasonable anger towards the man. Sebastian had a very similar sense of humour to his own so they could get each other really well.

The mattress shifted under the British and he snapped his head up with racing heart checking if his girlfriend woke up but the woman was only turning on her other side. The man let out a relieved sigh surprising himself. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t name any reason why he should have been nervous about if Jessica was awake.

It must have lasted very long thinking about his hardly understandable life because suddenly the phone lightened in his hands with a new message from the driver. And then again, as the messages came one after one.

                                           

_‘stop thinking Jenson. look, i know how hard it is when things don’t go as they should and you’re angry with everything and everyone around you but most of all with yourself’_

_‘but it doesn’t matter even if you gave a hand building a car up which turned out to be a not so perfect one.’_

_‘this whole sport is about genius men, hard work and persistence. unity. but also about luck, and sometimes people have a bad luck, or just a bad season which doesn’t mean anything’_

_‘until you give every effort in your work, give all your heart in it and trying to do your best, you should be able to look in the mirror and think that ‘yes, i do whatever i can’ with pure conscience’_

 

Jenson didn’t even have the time to answer the messages, before he could try to write back another one followed them and after the second trying he gave up on it. He was just lying with his phone in his hands staring at the caring words and the more he was reading them the more dismayed he was. Not especially by the man but himself. The recognition was what actually hit him. The fact what he didn’t say out aloud, not even to himself; that ‘yes, it’s my fault that my car is a shit’. It was a subconscious thing, something which undermined him from the inside. And before he could completely grasp it someone already told him that no, it was not his fault, not only his so he should keep going and start it again, put himself together and give all his strength into his work. It was too much for at once.

 

_‘go to sleep Jenson’_

 

And as Jenson read the last message he suddenly felt like as if the troubles or a part of them left him. Maybe it was just because of someone finally understood him, he didn’t know but all of a sudden he felt really tired, much more than before. The man yawned as he stretched on his bed, then grabbed his phone again and typed back to the other.

 

_‘u 2 Seb. sleep well’_

 

_‘only if you let me’_

 

_‘u have my word :)’_

 

The slight smile was still on Jenson’s face as he put his mobile down on the bedside table, turning to his girlfriend to pulling the woman in his arms with a deep, relived sigh.

The clock was still ticking, his girlfriend was still puffing, but it didn’t bother him anymore; the drowsiness was stronger and finally was victorious over him.

 

*

 

The mood was chaotic in the paddock as the teams were preparing for the race; there were still only minutes left before going to the track.

Jenson was standing in front of their garages narrowing his eyes as he was staring at the cloudy sky. They said there might be rain during the race but Jenson had a feeling the weather would brighten.

The British let an excited sigh out as he finally turned his look away from the sky; he knew he hadn’t got the best car on the grid now but he was always good in the rain and the thought the track might be wet gave him a little more hope. Actually the weekend already gave him a bit strength and hope. He didn’t want to be too presumptuous but he trusted in his car and his team; their developments seemed to be rewarding even the statistics said that so the British was very optimistic about the weekend.

 “Are you nervous?” he heard a familiar voice and as he turned about he was facing to a huge grin and a pair of big, very blue eyes... And very, very blond hair. _What the hell has happened to him?_ , Jenson thought shocked as he realised the guy was really similar to his physio now.

 “Hey” Jenson welcomed the man with a cheerful smile, reaching his hand out to him. “Not really, rather excited... Okay, maybe a bit nervous” he added seeing the sceptical look on Sebastian’s face. “It’s one of my favourite tracks along with Suzuka and Silverstone so it’s important to me to prove here.”

The German was staring at him inquiringly like he was searching for something on the British’s face and it seemed it was a natural thing for the man. Well, for Jenson the movement was rather embarrassing and unfamiliar; he felt his cheeks heating up so he tensely cleared his throat just to break the awkward moment.

 “To you or the fans?”

 “Excuse me?”

The sudden question surprised him, thanks to the frustrating eyeing of the other driver which confused him so much, he couldn’t figure out what the man wanted and he had to ask back.

 “You wanna prove yourself or the fans?”

 “Oh! Well, myself... and the fans too” he added, unsurely raising his brows. “You know, someone said once: competitors want to prove not only themselves but also the whole world” he quoted.

Sebastian returned the smile what the British maybe unconsciously sent him, giving him an odd, warming feeling in his chest.

 “So you agree?”

 “What else could I do when you’re right?” The German visibly couldn’t hide his satisfied grin not if he wanted to, which the British could punch him in the face for. _That cheeky little..._ “Stop it already!” he laughed boxing in the younger man’s shoulder.

 

_Now this movement seemed so natural for a moment._

 

Sebastian laughed with him but before he had the chance to response someone else interrupted them.

 “Jenson!” The man turned about for the calling seeing his physio standing behind tensed. “It’s time, man” he said impatiently pointing at his wristwatch.

 “Already?” the British frowned surprised, pocketing an outraged look from the man. “Okay, I’ll be there in a minute.”

Mikey was still standing there for a little more as if he was going to say something else though he turned his back on the two and started walking towards the McLaren garages.

 “Think I should go too” Sebastian pointed in the Red Bull team’s way stamping about squirming while the smile on his face changed into a bit embarrassed.

 “Yeah, me too” the British agreed but instead of saying his good byes he couldn’t resist his curiosity so looked at the man’s hair and asked him with a playful smile. “What happened to your hair?”

Sebastian was not offended at all; he touched his scalp as if he could ascertain with his fingers that his locks are still gleaming with the right colour.

 “I had a too sunny holiday” he said grinning, raising an eyebrow in his usual naughty way. Jenson laughed aloud before acknowledging a little disappointedly the man was actually going to leave. “Now, if you don’t mind... Bye Jenson” he said with a smile.

The British returned the gesture with a nod and grabbed one of the other’s shoulders.

 “Good luck, Seb!”

 “Thanks, you t...”

 “Guys!” Jenson stilled for a moment before snapped his head up, quickly turning to the voice along with the German, but while Sebastian looked surprised he was rather frightened instead. The Old Boy was really scary lately. “Hey, nice to see you two together” the man smirked stopping in front of them. “How are you, Seb? Bet you don’t remember me. I mean, of course you do, you must have seen me sometimes in the paddock I guess, but... you know what I mean” the man waved a hand absent-mindedly and grabbed the driver’s shoulder just exactly in the way as his son did a moment before.

“Hello Mr. Button” the young driver smiled accepting the older Button’s other hand. “Actually I do, only not exactly in the way as you are now. Your hair has more colours in my memories.”

Jenson looked at his dad pressing his lips together, waiting for a negative reaction but to his surprise the man was laughing aloud patting on the German’s shoulder. Jenson opened his mouth stunned but a moment later just rolled his eyes bored by the erratic behaving of his father. He was like a volcano sometimes. Peaceful in a moment but exploding in the other.

 “Just call me John” he said giggling and let out a joyful sigh. “Anyway, you’d be a great British with your sense of humour!”

The driver raised an eyebrow stunned and he was alternately looking at Jenson and John like he was thinking about what to say.

 “Well” he began “actually I already offered to the British fans after a grand prix that I’d gladly be British but they didn’t make the best of the opportunity. Though they really like to celebrate me with their happy booing.”

Even Jenson chuckled to the German’s sarcasm bowing his head down before glanced back up at him with a grin, casually shoving his hands in his pockets. He almost forgot about the race which was absolutely unusual; drivers always tried to be totally concentrated before going to the grid.

The older Button must have appreciated the joke as well; he was laughing at it aloud, cheerfully slapping on the man’s back as he glanced at his son for a moment just to turning back to the German.

 “You’re a nice man, Sebastian” he said tightening a hand on one of the man’s arms.

Jenson was just standing there watching the scene thinking about what his dad actually wanted with that show. The man never ever talked about the German before, or if he did Jenson didn’t remember that. And now he was acting as if the driver was one of his best friends or almost like he was a member of their family.

 “So what is it?” the question left his mouth just before he could think it over.

John stopped smiling at Sebastian and turned his glance to his son confused.

 “Pardon?”

 “You came here. I assume you wanted to tell me something.”

John raised his brows bemused before completely turned to the younger Button with a serious face.

 “I just saw you and wanted to say ‘hello’, that’s all.” Jenson frowned sceptical before rolling his eyes with a little headshake. Of course he didn’t believe his dad, he knew him too well and he was almost sure there was something more behind his words. Though he didn’t answer, not that it was needed; John cleared his throat embarrassed and forced a smile as he turned back to the German. “Now excuse me, but I think you really should go, boys.”

Sebastian, who was just staring at the two men nervously stepping from one leg to the other now returned the older Button’s smile and reached a hand to the man.

 “Yeah,” he agreed. “It was a pleasure, John.”

John gladly accepted the hand nodding to the German satisfied. He was clearly happy about the fact Sebastian not only meant he liked the little chat with him, but the guy also called him on his name, just as he asked him to.

 “Me too. Good luck to the race, Seb!”

Sebastian nodded and turned to his rival. Jenson unintentionally straightened forcing a smile, hands still in his pockets as he was waiting for the other’s greetings.

 “We’ll meet on the track.”

 “Yeah,” he said, before with a last nod the younger man left for the Red Bull garage.

Jenson was staring at the point where the man disappeared, letting out a tired sigh, and after a bizarre, silent moment he quickly turned to his father.

 “What the hell was that?”

John seemingly felt uncomfortable as he looked up at the sky before he shrugged unimpressed.

 “Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

 “Oh, no, no, don’t play this game with me, I’m not a fool. Come on, out with it!”

 “Out with what?” he looked in his son’s eyes confused but Jenson could see through his acting, he knew his dad too well.

 “You know it. That since when you’re such a big fan of Seb?”

 “What?”

 “You heard it. Explain me this show of you, please.”

 “What show?”

 “Well, the one you just performed a minute ago, of course.”

John inhaled sharp raising his brows bored. Jenson hated when his dad acted like this, when he tried to pretend not knowing anything. Sometimes he felt the Old Boy was more childish than him.

 “Okay, I’ll be honest; I honestly don’t know what are you curious about? There was no any show. I saw you two together and wanted to greeting, that’s all.”

 “Greeting and almost ask an autograph too, huh?

 “What on Earth!”

 “Well, that’s what you did here. You were acting like an uncle or... I don’t know. What the hell came over you lately?”

 “Why you ask? Am I not allowed to be kind to your rivals?”

 “Yes, you are, but I don’t know when did you start liking this kid so much?”

 “When did I _stop_ liking him?” Jenson’s eyes widened and after a shocked second he already opened his mouth to response but John just waved his hand silencing him. “Yes, I always liked him, and it’s a wonder why you not. I’m happy to see the two of you together again. Period. And just to clarifying it: he is not a kid anymore.

Jenson could only mouth. He never thought his father had such thoughts about the German and he was totally stunned hearing the Old Boy was actually liking him that much.

Before he could reply something a strict voice interrupted him.

 “Jenson Button, go to your team, _now_!” Martin shouted impatiently with a scary grimace, sitting at the pit wall.

The McLaren driver stared at the man and mutely nodded before turning back to his dad.

 “Let’s go” the man said clapping on his shoulder and turned his back on his son. Jenson was still for a second watching dismayed as John was leaving for the team. This whole little conversation with the man was hardly believable; it was like someone changed his dad. Well, if he wanted to be honest the whole situation with Sebastian was barely understandable, wasn’t it? Too much strange things and coincidences once at a time and he couldn’t see where all these things would lead them.

That’s why he decided it would be the best just let the destiny guiding their lives.

 

As he casted one last glance at the sky now standing at the entry of the garage he could feel the growing excitement in his stomach and his chest. That sweet and also annoying feeling why he loved the sport so much.

 

_Maybe this race will be different; maybe it will be better than all the others were before._

 

*

Jenson stopped the car a bit more headily than he intended.

 

The race seemed to be fine; he had a good start on the medium tyres, he even had a little battle for the third position with Nico Rosberg but this time the German won. Next he had another fight against his Spaniard friend and he acknowledged it satisfied the man couldn’t overtake him. It was in the first five laps of the race and he really thought that they finally achieved something with the team but it didn’t last long.

Fernando finally overtook him and Mark also followed him soon. At the beginning Jenson was positive; there were less than ten laps to the others going out for their new tyres in front of him, and when they did he got a chance to leading the race once more, though surely he knew it won’t last too long. And yeah, his mostly beloved German quickly left him behind. Shortly he went out for his new options too getting the harder ones this time; the plan “A” of the team was a one pit tactic, and when he went for the tyres there were twenty-six more laps remaining till the end. He kept his pace waiting for the others’ next pit stops and when they happened he became the third before Lewis. He was driving confidently trying to keep his pace, and the message from Martin about the possibility of a slight rain absolutely brightened his mood even more, especially since he wasn’t sure if his tyres would last till the end. After a little vacillation he and the team preferably decided to change into a two stop tactic. 

That’s how he turned to be the sixth with ten seconds behind the Aussie. The team tried to allure him that maybe he still had the chance to overtake Mark on his new tyres but Jenson already knew it was all in vain. The car was so good compared to the earlier races, and it seemed everything was going to be fine, it was absolutely an improvement, yet it was still too little to get a chance getting on the podium again. He knew he should have appreciated the race, it was far better than any others before, and he was happy with the results but he was also slightly disappointed.

 

Jenson glanced at the German guy for a moment, while he was still sitting in his car for a while buried in his thoughts. The driver didn’t notice him; he was too busy celebrating himself standing on his car, his hated finger pointing to the sky.

The British slightly shook his head and was quickly crawling out of his car. He could hear the crowed cheering and booing as he looked around in the Parc Fermé but he didn’t care about it; a part of him just could understand the booing people.

He took his gloves off of his hands a bit frustrated as he started walking to the huge building in front of him. The short road to the usual supervisory place seemed very long with the awkward atmosphere which was filled with all hating tension thanks to the audience. It was like as if the whole place could have exploded in every moment. Well, it was all Sebastian’s fault, wasn’t it? He made the sport monotonous and boring not only for the fans but also the drivers. Jenson admitted he was talented, a really good driver, but actually he also had the best car under his butt. Of course it was very easy winning the championships like that.

The British could kick himself in the arse for the undeserved words in his head. Even though he knew he wasn’t right he just couldn’t stop the thoughts anyway; maybe there was a little bit of envy in his heart which made him more annoyed. It was like a poison flowing in his veins.

At last he took a deep breath and left the celebrating team behind not giving a damn anymore.

 

Well, it was still an enjoyable race.

 

*

 

There was a dark side of the sport what the drivers hated as much as they could during all the way its history. People called Formula One a circus which was really accurate in a hand. In the other hand it was nothing more but business; it was all about the money. Oh, and about entertaining the people, which was also a part of the business. No wonder why some people just couldn’t accept Formula One as a sport.

So as being part of such a big entertaining campaign drivers also had their own roles in this famous play and must do their duties what are mostly about giving interviews all the time, or advertising stuffs just to getting new sponsors or keeping the old ones; which is also a part of the business of course.

On closer examination you could tell something went very wrong in the system and it became worse by the years. Yet drivers barely complain about it; everyone wants back the old years when all the pilots and teams could have more freedom, when the FIA didn’t try to control everything in an almost unhealthy way, but those times are far away now and people should accept it’s a new generation and there’s no way back anymore. Well, they should, but it’s really hard. Anyway, drivers maybe tired of these games sometimes and would gladly push all the reporters away, or just be as much mindless as Kimi Raikkönen used to be, actually they almost used to live a life like that.

Jenson Button as well. It was boring hearing the same questions all the time, giving the answers almost automatically without using his brain. Sometimes Jenson wished there would be some reporters with more interesting questions and not just all the formal ones which could have been easily answered by anyone else who had some interest in the sport. However he didn’t blame anyone, it was understandable, actually he didn’t even know it himself what was he expecting from the journalists. Probably he would have been satisfied with anything unusual, but it was fine. There were times when he really enjoyed these talks; he got nice compliments or could hear his fans cheering him even in the actual circumstances, and he was just unbelievably grateful for it. It gave him lot of strength and made him think it was worth for all the hard work and sleepless nights with the team.

 “I came on six” Jenson shrugged in the middle of his interview to Natalie. She was one of his favourite reporters because she was not only an expert in the sport but also never forced herself to the drivers; she was always kind and treated them like humans and not like animals in a zoo. Jenson couldn’t stop smiling at the woman. “It’s not the end result what we wanted but we were fighting by a lot more with the cars at the front which is nice, you know, as a Red Bull just in front and thirteen seconds behind third place, so it’s definitely an improvement” he nodded giving weight to his words. “So we should be happy with the progress we’ve made but there are few things that we expected to have here and we don’t have in terms of performance so I’m really happy with the weekend. We can work hard in the next two weeks and find that potential cause it’s, you know, the pace is there I think so... Looking forward to Monza.”

 “Good luck for that one, Jenson. We’re excited to see you there. Thank you.”

 “Thanks, Natalie.”

The chat with the woman really made his day and suddenly he saw everything in a lot brighter way. So yes, that was why he couldn’t completely hate these interviews. However the next fifteen minutes was extremely boring and tiring, he felt like he was a parrot who had to repeat every stupid words of him and it became really annoying at the end. He wished the interview to come to an end soon, so he could go to his team and then go back to his silent room just to have a little rest before flying back to Monaco.

When the last reporter has left as well he couldn’t resist a relieved sigh as he was walking back to the garages. Well, if he thought he could spend the road to his team safely he was wrong. Just as he took the first step a firm hand weighed on his shoulder.

 “Hey, Jenson!”

Jenson inhaled troubled before turning to the voice. He really wasn’t in the mood chatting with the beaming man.

 “Hi, Sebastian!”

 “Congratulations, mate! It was a great race, wasn’t it? You were flying. I was really surprised seeing you in the front, just like in the past.” The smile on the German’s face was filled with recognition, the other could tell, though Jenson couldn’t help his disappointment and anger coming back. Somewhere deep in his mind he knew everything what the man said was a compliment yet he felt it to be some kind of mockery. As if he just shoved it in his face that to leading the race was a miracle lately.

 “Oh, yes, it was incredible, especially for you. With such a car under your butt there’s no doubt you could win.” Sebastian’s eyes widened by dismay but Jenson didn’t stop. He couldn’t make himself to care about what was he doing. “With a car like that I could have won the race as well, so yes, nice job, mate!” he finished sarcastically grinning at the man before turning around not even waiting for any response.

Just in the moment as he turned his back on the German he crossed a familiar, now stunned face in front of him and for a moment he felt guilty, but didn’t care about it.

 “Jenson!” he heard the indignant voice yet he didn’t stop; he stormed away quickly, leaving the two men behind.

 

He didn’t see those slightly parted lips or sad eyes of the driver, and neither the disappointed, apologising movements of John as the man was patting on Sebastian’s lowered shoulder before going after his son.

 

*

 

 “So what is it, Jenson? What happened?”

 “Huh?”

Jenson looked confused as he glanced up at his girlfriend in the McLaren motor home. The music was pounding aloud around him locking almost all the other voices out of his mind, except his own thoughts. The team was extremely happy after a long time; everyone greeted him with pride and hugged him gladly. This after party was more similar to the old ones than all the others were in the season which understandable. The first time in the season they could finally achieve something, though they still couldn’t get on the podium.

Jessica was staring at him concerned as she put her drink down on the table.

 “Something’s bothering you, I can see it.”

 “I’m fine.” Jenson just smiled like everything was fine, touching one of the woman’s hands which was resting on his shoulder now, but Jessica was seemingly unsatisfied with the answer.

 “Is it about the race? I thought it went good.”

 “Yes, it did” Jenson nodded agreeing.

 “Then what is it? You came on sixth, Jenson. It’s a real improvement, you should be happy with it. It was a great result and it’ll be better and better, you’ll see. Now it seems you finally found the right path.”

Jenson didn’t respond to this one. He totally agreed with the great result thing, but the future was still foggy. It seemed to be far away getting a chance to getting on the podium again. However, it wasn’t the thing which was actually bothering him. He was completely satisfied with the end of the race now, it couldn’t have been better to be honest.

There was something else which didn’t let him rest.

 “I’ll go back to the hotel.”

 “Now?” Jessica was clearly stunned but stood up as well.

 “No, I’ll go alone.”

 “What?”

 “Dad!” he called out for his father who was just about a meter away. “ _Dad_!”

The man turned to him for the second call and went to the couple with curiosity in his eyes.

 “Yes?”

 “Could you take care of Jessica, please?”

 “What the hell are you doing? Of course I’m going with you!” the woman shouted dismayed.

 “Please, just give me an hour, okay? I wanna be alone for an hour.”

Jessica was searching for something in his eyes. The anger completely faded away from her glance replacing with concern just to make Jenson feel guilty. The last time he asked her to let him alone for a while was after he won the championship in 2009. Then he went to his room, lay on his bed and tried to grasp the fact he became a world champion. Now he just wanted to be alone and putting his thoughts together.

 “Okay” the woman sighed approvingly. “But don’t do anything stupid!”

 “What stupid could I do?” Jenson smiled honestly as he placed his arms tightly around her waist. He loved the woman so much, especially in these moments when she was so understanding. He’s never ever met anyone else like her before.

 “Who knows?” Jessica shrugged and hugged back, pressing a light kiss on her love’s lips.

Finally the Old Boy broke the idyllic moment as he uncomfortably cleared his throat.

 “I’m sorry guys, but may I ask if you still need me, or you rather need a room?”

Jenson knitted his brows, he looked pissed off but his face lightened quickly as he let his girlfriend go.

 “No, I need you to take care of Jessie at least for an hour, or more, if she wants to stay of course. I just need some time alone. Would you be so nice and escorting her to the hotel then?”

 “Of course I would!” the Old Boy said with a bit more enthusiastic then Jenson expected; the frightening look just showed up on the man’s face again scaring the driver but he just shook his had and nodded to his dad.

 “Thanks.”

He turned back to Jessie for kissing her the last time before left the motor home for his hotel room.

 

*

 

The silent room was not as relaxing as he expected it to be; his mind was filled with more thoughts than it was before.

John was very furious after the incident with Sebastian. Jenson still could hear the man’s voice in his head; “What did you do, you idiot? Didn’t you see how confused he was? The boy was clearly disappointed and sad. It was such a good race, so I don’t understand your childish behaving.”

He neither did. He did it unconsciously, he didn’t even know what was he doing, the words left his mouth before realising it. Actually he just worked his anger off on the boy because the podium was so close, and even thought he was happy with the end of the race, he was still a competitor. And competitors couldn’t be satisfied with any place but first. Even Ayrton said: he was not designed to come second or third. He was designed to win. And it was the same with Jenson. He just realised it after the German congratulated him and the envious feeling flowed his heart. His father was right. It was a childish behaving and now he hurt the other man with no reason.

Jenson was lying on his bed for half of an hour buried in his thoughts, just staring at the ceiling tired. The mobile lay in his hand; he was turning it, playing with the object for a while before finally looked at the display and started typing a message to the German.

 

_‘I’m sorry for my childish behaving today. I think I was slightly disappointed. I shouldn’t have treated you like that, it was not your fault. Hope you can forgive me. Have a good party.’_

The mobile lightened in a second showing the man read the message. Jenson read his words again and again waiting for the other’s answer while his heart was beating faster by every second. He wasn’t sure if it was the best thing to do, a part of him said he was stupid and it was pitiful, while another part of him said the opposite. Sebastian did it more than once when the boy felt guilty for something what he did to the British so it was the least what he could do. Maybe it would have been better to calling him instead of writing a message but he was too coward to do that.

The time was passing by painfully slow and Jenson was more and more frustrated; after the twenty-eighth minutes of waiting he gave up and put his mobile aside with a long sigh. He wasn’t angry with the boy. He could understand he didn’t want to answer to him. However it made his heart aching in a way. Just after their relationship seemed to be fixed again he screwed everything up.

A knock on the door suddenly broke the silence and Jenson looked up confused. He checked the time on his wristwatch; it showed 22:57. Who the hell would bother him in such a late hour? The stranger didn’t give up though, they knocked on the door again and again until the British got bored and finally got up to opening it.

 

He gently pushed the door handle down and carefully opened the door, just a little bit at first, but a moment later he opened it wide totally stunned by his visitor.

Sebastian was standing on the doorstep with a serious look on his face but a moment later a slight smile formed in the corner of his lips.

 

If Jenson’s heart was racing while texting to the man then he didn’t know what it was doing right now. He only knew it was absolutely intended to jump out of his chest right through his throat. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey, some info about the chapter before I tell you the bad news. Calm down, I definitely won't stop writing the fic, I love it too much. :)  
> I just feel like I have to let you know that personally this is my favourite chapter yet. Why? Well, when I imagined this story I was just sitting in my armchair listening to Just Like Heaven by Katie Melua and suddenly there was this scene about Jenson on a balcony in my mind... And I could see the whole thing in front of my eyes, the precedents, and I just fell in love with the idea. So it was, this chapter was definitely the first ever thing I dreamed about this fic, I couldn't wait to write it and actually I think it turned out to be exactly what I imagined it to be. I hope you'd like it at least as much as I do.  
> The other important thing is: these chapters were actually the preparation for the future, they settle something while a new thing begins in the next ones. So we can almost say an age is terminating. You can take it as you want. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the bad news. This one is the last finishED chapter of the fic. Yes, I know, I had planty of times to write the continuation and the good thing I already started writing it of course, only I couldn't finished it yet. So many thing happened and I didn't have time, or when I had I didn't feel to write a thing. Schumi's accident was a huge bomb in my life, he's my hero and the thing shocked me so much that actually I didn't feel doing anything. Than I was ill, then Sherlock season 3 came and there was johnlock all around my mind, then John Button passed away, and now I'll have my exams two weeks from today, also there is teen wolf and I'm totally lost my mind in the sterek ship (again). So yeah, it was honest time for now, I'm a wreck of emotion lately and I'm horrible, I know, but I try to do my best so hopefully I can bring you the next chapter after my exams. I doubt the next week, I think it's impossible, I just don't even have time, but I always write something to it. Also I don't want the new chapter to be forced, I want it to come from my heart so yeah, I need some time but I do everything what I can to update the fic as soon as possible.  
> This announcement also means I don't know how frequently I'll be able to update the fic but I'm definitely intend to finish it so don't worry.  
> Until the next chapter I wanna say thanks for all of your support and your feedbacks, I hope you like this fic, I really enjoy writing it though. 
> 
> Now have a nice day, week and so on and enjoy the 7th chapter! Sebastian is standing in front of Jenson's door... ;)

 

 “Seb?” The British was totally stunned seeing the man standing in front of his door. He even forgot to invite him in the room, or just ask about the reason of his visiting.

 “Hey Jenson” Sebastian broke the awkward silence waiting but as he still didn’t get any response embarrassedly added. “Am I bothering?”

That was the moment Jenson slightly shook his head clearing his throat, as he stepped aside from the door making room for the other man.

 “No, not at all. Jessie is still out with the team. Come in!” he waved a hand inviting. Seb did as he was told, then looked back at the following man behind who was standing in front of the now closed door, curiously staring at something in the German’s hand. “What’s that?”

Sebastian turned his look to the carrier bag covering a little box in it.

 “This?” he asked with a naughty smile lifting the thing up.” Well, it’s something I saved you risking my own life.

 “Yes, of course. So come on! What is that?” he walked closer to the man.

 “You will know it soon.”

 “Sebastian!”

Sebastian laughed at the warning tone and shoved a hand in the bag pulling out a box.

Jenson blinked and blinked again looking in the box right through the translucent plastic.

 “You brought me cake?” he asked not believing his own eyes. His heart could jump out of his chest by happiness, he was so excited like a child. It was always like that whenever he saw a cake, there’s no doubt.

 “Well, I’m not sure, I hope so. At least it seems like one” Seb said musingly knitting his brows and in that very moment the British could give him a big hug even for his sassiness.

He took the box and bag out of the smiling man’s hands instead and carried them away to the bar.

Their room was very simple, nothing posh; actually the most eye-catching thing was the bar itself which was also a simple one. Well, maybe it must have been the most exciting thing in the room for someone who haven’t seen something like that before, but Jenson didn’t really care about it. He had another thing to be amazed by. The huge windows with the balcony were not that special in the daytime as they overlooked the city, but at night... at night it gave a beautiful view with all the lights of the city, as if you were gazing into the starry sky.

 “Take a seat” the British said cheerfully putting the stuffs in his hands down on the bar.

Sebastian didn’t reply so he assumed the man did as he was told. He himself opened the box finding there two huge pieces of cake. Not any kind of cake but his favourite one. “How on Earth did you get Red Velvet?” he shouted stunned with a happy grin around his face.

 “What is this?” Jenson looked up from his gift seeing the man sitting on the bed with a little black book in his hands. He surely didn’t hear the British’s whoop he was so busy examining the thing. “What the hell! You’re keeping your diary under your cover?” the German asked disbelieving as he looked up from the object with a cheeky grin.

Jenson sighed resigned as he grabbed the box with the sweets and walked up to the man sitting down next to him.

“Thanks, Seb. You really did a great thing here” he said changing the subject with a joyful grin, but there was also a bit of cheekiness in his voice.

 “Yes, I knew you’d like it.”

 “Shut up!” Jenson laughed and bit into a slice. Sebastian just smiled as he put the diary onto his lap and opened it. “I can’t believe you spent only a few minutes in my room and already found my diary” Jenson said shaking his head with a mouthful of cake.

 “You know, it wasn’t that hard as it was penetrating into my butt. Why the hell did you do that?”

Jenson shoved an elbow in the cheekily grinning man’s side.

 “Wanted to hide it.”

 “But under the cover? Well, nice job, Mister Button. It’s absolutely the best way to opening your life to the whole world.”

 “Okay, just forget it. Anyway, I didn’t claim the room service. The only person who could find it was you. An idiot who couldn’t sit on any better place on my fucking sea sized double bed but right onto the spot I hid my diary under. Thank you.”

 “Please” Sebastian laughed watching Jenson’s poker face but soon the other man joined him as well.

Then the British put the sweet aside with a sigh and stood up.

 “What is it?”

The man didn’t answer; he walked up to the bar again grabbing two bottles of lime beer and opened them. When he turned around the German was already studying the diary again. Jenson didn’t say a word though; he let the man reading his memories in it. He didn’t even get to his bed yet when the other already shouted.

 “What the fuck! You really called me _creepy_?” Jenson grinned as he stood in front of Sebastian bending down to reading the short text; not that he didn’t know it by words now. “ _Today I met a really creepy kid?”_ Sebastian read the words scandalized, in a questioning tone. _“I told him to be careful, I can’t help if he’s not just a miserable one but can’t even understand my language? I’m still not a mind reader and can’t use my telepathic gift for_ every upstarts _?”_ The man stressed the last two words strongly, looking up at the cheerfully chuckling British with highly raised brows.“Really, Jenson? Really? I can’t believe you wrote this.I thought you were a nice guy.

 “Sorry for ruining your childhood memories” he smirked reaching out one of the bottles.

Sebastian smirked back as he accepted the drink.

 “Who said I have good memories about you?”

 “Just shut up already!”

And with that he sat back beside the man sipping his drink mutely before he bit another piece of his cake. Sebastian was turning the pages drinking his own beer totally forgetting about the man next to him who was leaning over his shoulder now staring at the little book.

It felt so natural just sitting side by side like that Jenson didn’t even realize how special and also ironic that moment was. Something which was totally not them - and yet it completely was.

 “Oh, I remember this one!”

 “Hm?”

The British slightly tilted his head trying to read the memory but Sebastian already did it to him.

 “ _Dear Diary,_ – Oh, how cute you are addressing you’re diary like that all the time” the German chuckled cheekily, pocketing an outraged glance from the other driver what he didn’t care about, just kept reading the text. _“Tonight Seb and me went to that lake near to the accommodation. I know we shouldn’t have, it’s really dangerous in the night and it was my responsibility to taking care of Seb but tonight was full moon and it was so amazing, I just couldn’t resist the temptation. It was a real adventure. I wanted to have a look at the lake like that so bad. Well, it turned out Seb can’t do stone skipping at all so it was also my duty to teach him. To be honest he still can’t do stone skipping”_ Sebastian stopped for a moment glancing at the man raising a brow questioning but the smile didn’t fade away from his eyes. _“and our dads also found us soon so I’m not sure if it was worth the risk since the Old Boy nearly ripped my ear off of my head and sent me in my room which I can’t leave now until morning. I just hope Seb wasn’t told off too much, it was my fault after all.”_ Sebastian straightened looking at Jenson haughtily. “At least you showed some regret. It’s good to know you have conscience. Do you know after the incident my father also sent me to my room and sentenced me to detention until morning? Thanks God I had a race then so he let me out.

It was funny how Jenson felt of real guilt hearing the words even after all these years. It was his fault after all. Anyway, he just shrugged smiling defensively.

 “So you got the same punishment as me, actually less than that. Good. At least you could keep both of your ears.

 “You did as well as I see, but maybe it’s just your lime beer mixed with some Jäger in my stomach.”

 “Very funny” Jenson rolled his eyes but smiled before sipping the mentioned drink. The other piece of his sweets was lying in his box waiting for its owner to eat it yet Jenson had a better idea, he decided it in the moment he saw the Red Velvet slices in the box. So the British grabbed the box and reached it out to the other man.

 “What?” Sebastian asked staring at it confused.

 “Eat your cake.”

 “Are you sure?” The confusion still didn’t disappear from his face as he glanced up at the man cheerfully.

 “Eat your cake before I will.”

 “No chance” he chuckled taking the box.

 “You think so?”

Seb shook his head smiling and bit into his own piece of sweet but after he swallowed it he looked up at the man curiously.

 “Didn’t you say you don’t share your cake with anyone?”

 “Didn’t you say once I already did?”

Sebastian frowned thoughtfully before replying with a suspicious smirk.

 “Did I ever mention the time you shared all your saved money from your piggy bank with me?”

 “Oh, yes, you’re right!” Jenson said enthusiastically before continuing just after the other man’s eyes widened joyfully. “Except I never had a piggy bank.”

 “Oh, yes, my mistake. Obviously you hid it under your cover.” Jenson raised a brow and seeing the man’s narrowed eyes Sebastian quickly added with a shrug: “It was worth a try.” 

He shoved the last piece of cake into his mouth mutely turning the pages with a hand again while he was licking his other creamy fingers savour. As soon as he swallowed the piece down he glanced up at the man who was studying him beside, and with a cheeky smile reached the empty box out to him.

 “Thanks, man.”

Jenson was watching the movement stunned and shaking his head with a grin he took it away from the German.

 “You know, you should appreciate my kindness as I shared my dear cake with you.

 “Well, I thought you would share that huge slice with your girlfriend.”

 “So much the more you should do it!

 “You gave it to me. And actually I’m your guest now, and my mum taught me refusing something what your host wanna give you is disrespectful.”

 “What a gentleman! Don’t be so grateful, it harms your perfect skills.”

Sebastian stuck his tongue out at the British who put the box aside on the bed.

 “Where did you get these beers?” the German asked drinking the alcohol before placing the glass on the bedside table.

 “I don’t know, just found them” the man answered uninterested as he turned back to the man.

 “Maybe they’re poisoned.”

 “Yes, definitely. And I just tested it on you.”

 “At least you’ll die with me. That’s the least you could do for me, you owe me a lot.

 “For what?”

 “First of all for all the punishment I’ve ever got from my father because of you.”

 “Why? There was more than one?”

Sebastian waved a hand silencing the man but he couldn’t hide the amusement reflecting in his eyes.

 “I don’t know, I don’t remember...”

 “You see?”

 “It doesn’t matter. You obviously still owe me for testing me like this.”

 “I showed my solidarity with you by drinking it as well.” And with that he sipped the beer again.

 “Oh, yes, it will obviously bring me back into life. Thank you.”

 “You’re welcome.”

The German slightly pushed him away on the bed so Jenson almost spitted the next mouthful of drink out trying to hold his laugh back. He was coughing and weeping glancing at the man, returning the childish movement why the other laughed aloud patting on Jenson’s back a bit stronger than he should have. Though the older didn’t complain. Of all the times he spent with the man it was one of the funniest – well, except their childhood, but he couldn’t be sure about it since he didn’t remember of it much.

 

The room fell in silence as Sebastian continued reading and this silent moment was what finally made Jenson aware of the craziness of the situation. How ironic it was that Sebastian Vettel, one of his biggest rivals, who he just wished to be as far away as it was possible only a few weeks ago, and the man who turned out to be something like a lost, childhood friend of him, well, this Sebastian Vettel was sitting in his hotel room, on his bed, and was reading his old diary. _His biggest secrets._ Or maybe they were not that meaningful secrets though they were important to him.

 

The strangest thing was how natural it felt to have the man around like that.

 

Jenson let out a deep, tired sigh as he leaned back on his bed reaching out for his phone. It was almost quarter to twelve and his girlfriend was nearly an hour late yet he didn’t worry about her. He knew the Old Boy would take care of the woman. And actually he was sure she was late on purpose just giving him some more time to calm down and clean his mind. Jessica knew him and cared about him more than anyone.

The British put his mobile aside still lying, staring at the white ceiling above tired. He slowly closed his eyes just to open them; he could easily fall asleep with or without the other man at his side. The presence of the man didn’t bother him at all.

He slightly turned his head glancing up at him. Sebastian was still reading with a frown now; he seemed to be confused or concerned, Jenson couldn’t tell it exactly, but he was curious about what made the man making that face. He was watching the changing expressions of him, studying his face as the frown on his temple suddenly deepened while he was even pressing his lips together thoughtfully, and when Jenson was already going to ask him about what made him that upset the man’s facial muscles finally relaxed and a minute later he was joyfully smiling at something.

The British sat up glancing at the diary in the other’s hands; he was reading the memory of the banquet. Jenson huffed with a smirk and in the next moment he was gazing into a pair of cheerfully smiling eyes.

 “You know, it’s one of my most embarrassing memories in my whole life.”

 “At least I’m not alone” Jenson chuckled. “But hey, it was an amazing night, wasn’t it?”

 “Yes, _amazing_ ” Seb answered, pronouncing the word ‘amazing’ in a very suspicious tone.

 “What?” The British averted his gaze from the diary turning to the man again who had a wide grin on his face now not daring to look at him. “What was that?”

 “Nothing.”

Sebastian barely had voice as he whispered the word with his shoulders shaking.

 “Fuck off! You just imitated me, didn’t you?”

 “I’m sorry, it’s not my fault whenever I hear or read the word _amazing_ I hear it in your voice!” the German burst out in a laugh. Jenson was staring at him stunned, narrowing his eyes scandalized but actually he was really enjoying himself with the idiot German.

 “Okay, I understand. It’s not your fault either whenever I read or hear the word _obviously_ I hear it in _your_ voice.

Sebastian stopped laughing glancing at the British surprised, but then he continued it even louder together with the British.

 “Now seriously!” he sighed then smiling.” It was definitely a very nice evening. To be honest sometimes I trip myself thinking about how I wish we could have more shared memories like this. It was a nice one week in my life which I never forgot about.”

 “Only forgot about me.”

 “You did as well.”

 “No, I didn’t forget about you, I just didn’t recognize you at first, it’s not the same.”

 “Well, same here. You can’t complain.”

Jenson didn’t answer this time. They were both smiling, staring at the letters on the opened page of the diary but couldn’t put them in their places anymore. Jenson nearly laughed at the fact how similar their feelings were. It was almost scary how many times he thought about the other man and their shared past lately, and how he missed those times. It was a shame they wasted so much time without the other not recognizing one the other.

“You know, my father was always very peaceful, there was no many times when he was angry with me, but I can still remember when I was little I was a way worse loser than I am now, and when I didn’t win I moaned and cried as it could have helped me“ Sebastian said with an absent-minded smile.” In that time my family didn’t have enough money for a mechanic for my cart, so my dad was who tried to setting up everything, preparing the cart for the races. I can remember he even used little lead weights to fix its balance. These amateur solutions led me to finishing in the back at the end of the races.  I was always watching the other kids with their supersonic go-carts and I felt envy and guilt at the same time. There were times when I was a real hysteria if I didn’t win, sometimes I just kicked my cart with pure anger. So then my father came to me, grabbed my shoulders and shook me firmly, saying: _‘Stop doing this! That’s all what we have, bring the best out of this.’_ I didn’t realize then how important it was to hearing those things all the time, but finally it taught me esteem everything what I achieved in my life, even the least things. It’s funny I had one of the worst cars at the beginning of my career, and now people are pissed off because I have one of the bests and keep telling me I can win only because of that. Sometimes life is really unpredictable, don’t you think?  Just like how we found each other, or actually learned about our past after all these years.

Jenson was staring at the man smiling, listening to this little story of him. It just hit him how little he knew about the man; they never had the chance talking about their lives. Or just didn’t want to, they didn’t have that kind of relationship after all. Now listening to Sebastian talking about his childhood was strange but in a good way. The stranger thing was that the man already knew more about him since he just read a few page of his diary and only God knows what else he read there.  

 

The goldenly gleaming eyelashes around Sebastian’s eyes were so long they were casting a shadow over his cheeks in the lamplight, just making the British totally amazed. He never ever realized it before how long they were, though he knew the man for a few years now, and he could be even closer to him before, just like during the press conferences, yet it was like something which was hidden from him until now. He was gazing at the man’s eyes amazed and in that moment he was sure even a girl could be envious of those eyelashes and not without a reason.

Jenson slightly rubbed his eyes chasing the odd thoughts out of his mind as he was trying to focus on what else the other said about his childhood. He didn’t even recognize when he started staring at the man’s eyes like that. Sebastian though was still talking, his smile didn’t fade on his face at all. The McLaren driver took a deep breath as he tilted his head absently and started talking as soon as the other finally finished his monologue.

 “I wasn’t easy either. Well, I think I went into my tantrums more than you. Once I was disqualified for dangerous driving. I can still remember how I cried then. My dad came to me, crouched down beside me and just listened to me as I was hissing around crying. Then he told me in his serious tone: ‘ _It’s okay, Jenson, it’s okay if you have mistakes and cry about them. The more painful they are the more memorable they become by time so you won’t make them again. Next time you race just remember this day and it’ll be fine. Until you can learn from these mistakes they are all fine.’_ He said things like this all the time whenever I did something wrong and you know what? He was right. Sometimes I made the same mistakes though. But then I saw his frown and I think that look of him was more memorable than what I did so I didn’t forget about those incidents anymore. I think we have to be thankful to both of our dads.

Sebastian nodded agreeing with a cheerful smirk.

 “Yes. Without my father, without my family I wouldn’t be who I am now.”

The German turned back to the little book tenderly stroking on a page with an amused movement. Jenson was just staring at him absently; it was the first time they actually did agree on something.

Sebastian was looking at the book with half-closed eyes gazing down on the object in his lap. The eyelashes were casting a bigger shadow on his cheeks now and Jenson couldn’t make himself avert his gaze from them. He was studying the man’s face like he saw it the first time and on the one hand he really did. Beside so many other things he didn’t realize the driver already grew up. His face was way skinnier than it was two years ago and a slight stubble covered the skin which was filled with acnes in the past, now was almost totally clean. He also changed his hair fashion, it was not that long and fluffy; it was cut and gleaming so blond it was almost white in the artificial lights. 

It seemed Sebastian didn’t realize the other man blatantly staring at him; he kept gazing the diary joyfully, his lips curling up in a slight smile. Jenson didn’t even notice how plump and red those lips were.

The British’s grip tightened on his bottle as he inhaled deeply. He looked away just lifting his beer up to sipping it, trying to lock all the weird thoughts out of his mind. Suddenly the air felt way hotter than it was a few minutes ago and a dizzy haze descended on his mind which made it hard to think. He slowly blinked tiredly trying to pull himself together.

In the next moment he was more than awake as a shrill sound split through the silence; he nearly dropped the glass of beer away jumping on the bed.

 “Sorry” Sebastian said with an apologetic look shoving a hand in his pocket. It seemed he got frightened as much as Jenson did. When he pulled his hand out there was his mobile in it lighting, signing he got a message. The German read it through quickly before he glanced up at the other driver. “I should go. It was Christian, it seems they are already missing me.”

 “Can’t figure out why” Jenson said with a grin though somehow he had a bitter feeling in his chest.

 “No need to find the reasons, it’s obvious, why.”

 “Yes, yes, _obviously_ obvious.”

Sebastian laughed as he lifted his glass to his mouth and drunk the last sip of beer too and placed the glass back on the bedside table. Then he shut the diary and with a cheeky grin he stood up and put it back under the cover, right under the spot he was sitting just a moment before.

 “Very funny” Jenson said still smirking.

Sebastian only shrugged before answering with a grin.

 “That’s what I’m talking about too.”

 

He was already heading to the door when Jenson stood up placing his own glass of beer on the bedside table as well, and followed the other driver. When they reached the door Jenson leaned against the wall next to the door while Sebastian turned to him with one hand already on the door handle.

 “Hope I didn’t bothe...”

 “No! I said you didn’t, don’t be silly. Actually I really enjoyed your visiting” Jenson reassured the man quickly but it was more than that. He really meant it.

 “Really? Well, I also did. Anyway, it’s good to know you feel better now.”

Jenson knitted his brows confused.

 “Why do you think I wasn’t okay?”

A mysterious smile formed in the corner of the German’s lips as he looked at him like he was an uncomprehending child.

 “Well, it was quiet obvious I think. And no, I don’t wanna hear any lame joke again!”

 “So you won’t, mum” Jenson sighed why the German just rolled his eyes but still both of them were smiling amused. Then Jenson looked straight in the other man’s eyes. Their gazes met and in some way the atmosphere changed; they left their childlike themselves behind to talking to each other like two mature adults. “Thanks for visiting me, Seb. Even despite my rude behaving.”

 “Stop it already! Now I’m asking you to not be silly. It was a natural reaction. We are all competitors after all, aren’t we?” Sebastian winked with a wide smile.

Jenson returned the smile and nodded as an agreement but didn’t say anything. His gaze lost somewhere in Sebastian’s and for a moment a weird feeling flooded him which he couldn’t name straight away, so he identified it with nostalgia. Sebastian must have felt the same or his face showed he did; the German didn’t avert his eyes either, he was staring at Jenson seriously like he was thinking about something. The British squirmed as the other’s lips slightly parted as if he was going to say something but then the German’s mobile started ringing and the magic was broken only leaving an awkward atmosphere behind.

 “Hello?... I’ll be there in a few minutes. I’m already on my way... Yeah... I know, I know... Okay, fine... Bye.” Sebastian shoved the mobile back into his pocket turning to the British again. “It was Heikki, my physio. I really have to go now, it seems they just can’t live without me” he sighed bored but he was clearly enjoying himself.

Jenson just chuckled at the arrogant words; now he knew they were meant to be jokes and not something what anyone should have taken seriously.

 “Obviously can’t. I can’t imagine how did they manage to survive without you until now?”

 “You see? That’s what I want to know as well” the man smiled before shaking his head with a grin, reaching out his hand to the other. “Now if you don’t mind, I leave you alone for a while. Good night, Jenson!” he said beaming.

Jenson cheerfully accepted the hand clapping with his other hand on Sebastian’s back.

 “You too, Seb!”

That was when Sebastian wanted to push the door handle down but someone else was quicker than him; the door already opened revealing the not so much unexpected person behind.

Jessica was standing in the doorstep shocked, eyeing the two stunned men disbelieving.

 “Sebastian?” the woman asked frozen.

 “Hey.” If the situation was awkward before then this moment was even weirder. Sebastian squirmed a little as he turned to the other wordless driver. “Bye, Jenson. Have a nice trip in the morning.”

Jenson only nodded watching as the German turned back to his girlfriend for a quick “good night” before he stormed away. Jessica was following him with her gaze after he completely vanished in one of the elevators, then looked at his lover and after an odd, silent moment he walked in the room.

 “Now that was unexpected” she said still totally shocked. “Did I really saw Sebastian here, or did I just dream the last two minutes?”

 “You definitely saw him, or at least I hope you don’t dream about him” Jenson said in a warning tone but he was obviously joking, so Jessica just smiled.

 “It’s good to know you could sort your disagreement out” she said as he walked up to the man and pulled down his face close to her, pressing a tender kiss on his lips.

 “How did you know about our argument?” Jenson asked looking in the woman’s eyes surprised.

Jessica shook her head with a mysterious smile; the gesticulation was frighteningly similar to something which he just saw a few minutes before from someone else.

 “I’m your girlfriend, you remember?

Jenson smiled letting out a slight sigh as he closed his arms around the woman, pressing her body closer to his.

 “I’m glad too” he said and kissed Jessica. Those lips were plump and red as well just like the German’s were but in another way. Jenson always liked to kiss those devoted lips which could calm him down whatever bothered him.

The kiss was slow and without passion, just lips touching lips yet it felt so good, actually it was better in that way after the long, tiring day.

When they finally parted Jenson bowed his head nuzzling the woman’s neck, deeply inhaling the familiar scent of her while Jessica was caressing his back with her hands, cosseting his cheek with gentle kisses.

 “Did you drink beer?” the woman asked after a minute silence.”

 “Yes” Jenson murmured uninterested.

 “Did you drink lime beer? The ones on the bar?”

 “Yes?” Jenson was confused by the sudden questions but he didn’t really care about them after all. Maybe she was just curious.

But then Jessica let him go and looked in his eyes amused.

 “What?” Jenson finally asked.

 “ _I_ put those beers there.”

The British’s eyes widened as he stared at the woman stunned.

 “You did?”

 “Yes. Why, what did you think?”

 “I don’t know. Thought were a special gift from the hotel” he shrugged embarrassed.

Jessica was clearly enjoying herself, she was laughing at the answer and was still grinning as she replied.

 “Yes, of course. They leave us beer and food. Free services.” Jenson rolled his eyes but Jessica didn’t stop smiling, she stroke the man’s hair tenderly, making him look into her eyes. “I thought we could drink them when we come back to the room tonight but it’s okay. Seems it was worth it after all” she shrugged cheerfully.

Jenson finally relaxed and the smile showed up on his face again when he pressed another kiss on the woman’s lips before she completely parted herself, heading towards the bathroom.

 “I’ll take a shower” she said not even looking back. Jenson was following her with his eyes, his look wandering over the woman’s attractive body. Jessica was already in the bathroom when she stepped back looking back at the man seductively. “Will you join?”

Jenson huffed out a laugh shaking his head joyfully; he still couldn’t believe this woman was his, no matter how many year passed by.

 “Of course” he smiled back temptingly. “Just a minute.”

Jessica nodded with a wink and disappeared behind the door.

 

Jenson was still staring at the spot where she stood just a moment before, then looked back towards the French window, then the glasses on the bedside table. He started walking up there grabbing his own glass; there was still a little drink in it. Then he turned to the French window again staring at it for a while before went to there opening it, just stepping out to the balcony.

The night was beautiful as he expected, even though the stars were barely visible thanks for the clouds; the city’s lights were still shining as thousands of little stars.

He was bending over the barrier, absently looking down at the road below. There was a taxi standing in front of the hotel waiting for a passenger patiently. The man showed up just then waving a hand as a sign he ordered the cab, then ran to it and opened the door. Jenson straightened narrowing his eyes recognizing the dirty blond locks of the man, and that was the moment the man also turned around as if he was feeling the British’s eyes on him.

Sebastian looked up at him with a wide smile and waved a hand joyfully before getting in the car closing the door behind.

Jenson didn’t wave back or do anything; he just smiled on the man while leaning on the barrier idly and lifted up his bottle to sipping every drop of the remaining beer.

 

_The taxi slowly disappeared far off in the night, leaving only the memories of the weird night behind._


End file.
